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Advice needed about my brother

4 replies

Coconut49 · 10/12/2014 22:26

My brother has always been 'difficult'. I think he may have a personality disorder or Aspergers traits. He is super intelligent and finds it hard to put up with people not on his level intellectually sometimes I think. He has never held down a relationship for more than three years (in late forties now) and is very vocal about his views and beliefs especially if you dare to express something different. He never thinks he is in the wrong and is not a very tolerant person. He has had anger issues in the past and gets annoyed about things easily. He seems unable to empathise also. He doesn't do small talk and will often deliberately not reply to something someone says if he thinks it is not worthy of an answer. He likes to get his own way and has threatened to disown me as a sister if I don't do what he wants or cause a scene if I don't comply with something. When he does visit I feel I am treading on eggshells with regard to what I say and how I say it. He does appear to have friends but no real close friends I think. His friends seem to come and go frequently!
He can be nice sometimes but his mood can change abruptly. He doesn't always get it when people are joking or pulling his leg and can get annoyed although he understands actual jokes which involve puns or double meanings etc. If he has an argument with someone he can hold a grudge for years. He is very clumsy also and often accidentally breaks things!!

Any ideas what is wrong with him? I find it hard to view him objectively. Any advice is much appreciated.

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LittleRedRidingHoodie · 10/12/2014 22:28

Sounds typical Aspergers, sadly even if you knew that for sure there is no magic formula for how to help him. But just knowing it can help you feel less anxious about it.

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Coconut49 · 10/12/2014 22:40

Thank you Little for replying. He may be visiting soon and I am stressing out about it already. He rarely asks if it is convenient to visit - may just telephone from somewhere to say he is on his way! I have always thought Aspergers but then I wondered about a personality disorder as he can be so moody and nasty sometimes. I did mention Aspergers to him once and he said he had researched it and had decided he didn't have it!

Anybody else have any ideas?

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LittleRedRidingHoodie · 10/12/2014 22:44

If it's Aspergers that doesn't prevent him from being an unpleasant person as well. I think you can afford to be a little more blunt with him. 'You can visit on Friday dinner time and stay until after lunch on Saturday, these are the things we will all be doing.' My uncle has Aspergers and used to drive everyone in the family mad. Once I worked it out (after becoming a teacher) his behaviour no longer bothered me nearly as much. It won't be personal, he's not able to think as if he were you, or anyone else, so you have to spell it out for him far more clearly than you would anyone else.

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Coconut49 · 10/12/2014 23:05

Thanks. I can recognise children with Aspergers but my brother has always just been my weird brother. It's only over the last few years I have been wanting to 'label' him so I can be a bit more tolerant with regard to his behaviour. He once told me I was getting fat (gone up to size 12!) and needed to lose weight. I just thought he was being a rude brother but he does have no tact whatsoever.