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And the award for the worst daughter in the world goes to...

(11 Posts)
CaulkheadUpNorth Wed 10-Dec-14 17:55:36


Have just made my mother cry because I have explained for not the first time that I won't be spending Christmas with her and her husband.

I am low contact with them both, and haven't been there for Christmas since 2009. It's been the first time though that she has got really upset about it.

Ah well.

Hatespiders Wed 10-Dec-14 18:01:32

It depends on why you went low contact in the first place. I do understand because my dsis and I went NC with our parents in our late teens, due to abuse. Apparently (so others told me) my m went round complaining to everyone about how wicked her dd were and crying her eyes out (crocodile tears) What she blotted out was the abuse. Unfortunately we found it a lot harder to blot it out.
I'm very sorry if similar reasons are the cause of your low contact. And you're not the worst daughter in the world. You are trying to survive emotionally and protect your happiness.

Tobyjugg Wed 10-Dec-14 18:02:31

Shit happens. What else can one say. In all truth it will probably be better for both of you to have Xmas apart but Mum does not see this.

AttilaTheMeerkat Wed 10-Dec-14 18:03:15

I remember you and you are certainly not the worst daughter in the world.
Let her be bloody well upset; she deserves nothing less. Also tears from such people can be seen as manipulative and designed to pull at your strings.

This is what I wrote to you previously:-

"Do not visit these people under any circumstances, doing that just opens you up to being further abused by the two of them.

Your mother is not worthy of the term. She has chosen (for her own reasons, mainly ones of self interest and inherent selfishness) to stay with this man and has put him always and above you.

You're worried about hurting them because you are a reasonable person. They have never worried at all about hurting you and do not deserve an ounce of your own consideration. FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) are three of many damaging legacies left to their now adult offspring by such people.

I would suggest you go no contact with them, even the two weekly phone calls is too much because those still obligate you. Block all their means of communication to you. They do not deserve to have you in their lives".

Finola1step Wed 10-Dec-14 18:04:39

Having read some of your previous posts about your mother, you are a kind, gentle, understanding woman who does her best. You have forgiven her for so much.

Your mother would try the patience of the Pope. Stand your ground.

CaulkheadUpNorth Wed 10-Dec-14 18:04:50

We are low contact due to a history of s abuse from her husband, which she isn't aware of, and of general passive aggressiveness on her part.

She has a rose tinted view of Christmas past, however this is the first time she has ever cried to me about not seeing me anymore.

CaulkheadUpNorth Wed 10-Dec-14 18:06:04

Attila- thank you so much for re posting that. I needed to be reminded of that b

Hatespiders Wed 10-Dec-14 18:11:57

Caulkhead, in that case, I agree about going totally NC and salvaging your life. Tears indeed! Let her cry, I expect you've cried a veritable lake over the years. Don't look back, but go forward having dumped the two of them at the side of the road. We (my sis and I) have never ever regretted out decision, and have saved ourselves no end of further trouble. Our late parents were evil.

Hold firm. I wish you all the best, and have a super Christmas in peace and happiness. x

Joysmum Wed 10-Dec-14 18:36:34

A good mother would want her daughter to protect herself and act in her best interests against those who damage her.

I think you've got your title a little mixed up and substituted 'daughter' for 'mother' in error wink

DraggingDownDownDown Wed 10-Dec-14 18:42:52

why is she not aware of the abuse? Would it be better if she knows so she understands why you are LC?

CaulkheadUpNorth Wed 10-Dec-14 18:46:41

She doesn't know because we've beer discussed it. Even he and I have never spoken about it. I don't want her to feel she has to chose between him and me.

She has very limited mobility due to MS and needs him or me to be her main carer, so it isn't possible for me to see her without him, and they live 300 miles away.

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