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Drifting friendship

(3 Posts)
Paddingtonthebear Wed 10-Dec-14 12:04:50

I've been friends with someone for over 20 years but feel the relationship has drifted in the last 2 years. We are both busy and do not chat or spend time together regularly anymore, on the occasions we have done in the last year or so I would say 90% of those have been instigated by me. We've had a few sporadic nights out in that time and I've always travelled to her area for socialising, and during each of those occasions it has always ended up with her suggesting we go and meet up with another mutual friend or two, rather than us having a night out to ourselves. I like the mutual friends, but it has made me think my friend doesn't really enjoy my company. Plus I am always the first to leave as i have to get transport home, and they always stay out as they live locally. My friend didn't send me a message on my birthday this year, which isn't a big deal but seems another thing that confirms the drift.

What to do? Confront and discuss or leave it and hope that we drift back together again in the future?

cafesociety Wed 10-Dec-14 15:53:27

Personally I'd leave it. Opening the subject may be misconstrued as being confrontational and even if you sort something out it will be the elephant in the room in the future and maybe make both of you edgy when you do meet up. A bit like opening a can of worms. Unless you have something on your mind that you need to really sort out with her, something simmering.

I would just observe, make one more approach to her to meet up and suggests she comes to you, see how that goes down....then leave it up to her to contact you. Keep the door open but don't chase, just respond if she approaches you. Just my opinion.

This is from my own experience. I've had to let go of people who have had their own reasons for not making efforts to see me, and talking about it hasn't put it right necessarily. I just felt exposed and embarrassed myself.

People and situations change so try not to take it personally. Folk are strange. I have been rejected because I inherited some money....the other person just couldn't cope with it!


this has happened recently with someone I thought was a good friend on the school run. Friendship intense at the start then she suddenly stopped all contact. I think if someone does that you just have to let it be. Maybe she is struggling with something? Send her a Christmas card with a little note or something.

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