Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Help me work out how to get through the next 48 hours!

(5 Posts)
Longmels Tue 09-Dec-14 20:46:07

I've name changed for this.

I have suffered with anxiety and depression at times in my life (relatively mild) and much much less so since meeting my OH who I have been with for 6 yrs. we have a DD, I am pregnant with DC2 and we are overall I would say pretty happy the majority of the time. Rarely argue but sometimes stresses of life get on too of us and the relationship is a bit less fun and exciting than I would like but I think that's life and pregnancy at times!

Anyway although most of time time I deal well with my anxiety if it ever manifests now it's usually anxiety and paranoia over our relationship or sometimes something terrible happening to OH or DD. I often obsess over events that are coming up for weeks before they happen. I've learnt strategies to alieviate this and am much much better. OH knows I can get anxious but I don't go on about it as tbh I don't feel that bad often and I don't think it's all that attractive they way I show it.

So tomorrow he is going away for a night for his Xmas party with work to Scotland with the rest of his office (approx 80 people) most of the office are based up there and he and a few others will stay over in a hotel. He really really deserves the party as has worked very hard this weekend. But I am so paranoid he will a) get stupidly drunk and have an office fling with someone b) get stupidly drunk and not call / contact me so I'll be worried sick option 1 is happening. That's it really. I know I am 100% ridiculous as he's never cheated on me (or anyone for that matter) and shoes no inclination of doing so but I can't stop worrying what I could lose if he did. Normally I would have a couple of glasses of wine and go to bed but obviously I can't and I know already if I don't hear from him I will be really worried. In general he is very 'in contact' even when drunk mostly so I don't know why I am worrying so so much, I think it's because I know he won't be coming home and I feel incredibly vulnerable being preggers home alone.

How can I talk to him about this without sounding like a total lunatic, psycho nagging girlfriend?! I want him just to reassure me he will keep in contact so I don't worry all night but In reality I think it's me (well in know it is) that's over thinking it all and I wish I had a way of just being a bit more zen!! Does anyone else every worry about stuff like this or am I a total control freak?

I am 27 wks pregnant btw hence why I've said it's ok for him to go for a night as we hopefully still have a whole until baby arrives.

And I should add I've been cheated on twice before (neither at an office Xmas party tho!!) which is where I think my paranoia stems from despite me knowing my OH is not that man!!

Longmels Tue 09-Dec-14 20:47:41

I didn't make it clear what I was asking advice on sorry...basically how to approach him about it so that I feel less anxious without coming across as if I'm mental?! Is it impossible or should I mention it in someway so that he's aware I am worrying about it?

YellowTulips Tue 09-Dec-14 20:53:11

A lot of women feel additionally vulnerable in pregnancy. I know I did.

If you are in a loving relationship I think you should just be honest and say "I am feeling very nervous about you being away. I'm not sure if pregnancy is exacerbating the situation or not but I am feeling vulnerable about your trip. Can you help me by staying in regular contact?"

misskangaandroo2014 Tue 09-Dec-14 20:53:38

'H, these pregnancy hormones are getting me very anxious about this office party in Scotland. I want you to go, you've earned it. But can you humour me and let me know you're OK / off to bed. Thanks, it'll just help me rein them in'.
I also think you need to let yourself become more trusting. You'll get yourself in a state with the 'what ifs'. Take care.

Longmels Tue 09-Dec-14 20:57:50

Yes I know I must trust more, thankfully with age I think I'm gradually getting a bit better because I've realised that actually it serves no purpose whatsoever to worry...only stress me and baby! I'll try and speak to him later and put it as humorously as I can, he will be fine about it I'm sure as I guess he has no reason not to be!!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now