I've posted this on the "wedding board" as it is very much wedding related. However I think I may get some good advice here int regards to how I'm meant to deal with my very controlling and manipulative in laws.
We've been engaged a year, discussed many options for our wedding from eloping to a "big wedding".
We have (both me and dp) had a rocky relationship with his parents. They have made our lives bet difficult in the past, said and done some unforgivable things and have very little regard for the fact their son is now an adult.
Their behaviour has caused many am argument between me and dp, a lot of upset and they are very very hard to please.
My mil had her big wedding day but actually uninvited both sets of parents to their wedding as they told her she must invite certain people to her special day. She didn't like the control so specifically uninvited her own mother and her in laws.
Now, we aren't thinking about doing this but after much consideration have decided what we REALLY want is a weekend of just "us" an intimate ceremony with a couple of whiteness provided by the "venue".
I've discussed this with my mum and she is more than happy for us to do as we wish, save our money and have the day we really want.
However we have previously mentioned eloping to my mil and she told us she would pay for her to attend and when dp said "well, we actually meant on our own" she went ballistic. Told him not to speak of it and stormed off.
She really is a difficult woman and just wants us to have a "big " wedding so she can't flaunt around crying and telling everyone she's the mother of the groom and is so proud blah blah blah. It's all she did at dds christening and I can see it happening on our wedding day. It's all about her.
She wants to make the cake, the centre pieces, the favours she wants this and that.
I don't even want all that fuss, it's what she wants for HER sons day .
I've posted on this board regarding her and her behaviour in the past, everyone established she is a narc and we shouldn't see her at all.
I'm now fucked whatever I do.
We do what we want and escape for a weekend and have an intimate wedding and get grief of mil or do a big wedding let her have her way and do as we are told throughout the whole process and have a day we don't want, paying money we don't want but keeping her "happy".
Dp has said he is happy to tell his Mother what we want to do but I don't think he's thought properly about the drama that will unfold.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Feeling nervous about upsetting my in laws
Kab13 · 09/12/2014 09:46
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