Today he is being perfectly pleasant and normal, if a bit needy and suffering flu, and it makes me doubt my strong feeling that we should separate, and whether that would be the best thing for my children. I know it would be the best thing for me, but the children adore their daddy and my 6 year old DS especially looks to him as a role model.
To quickly condense numerous incidents over the years, he has called me 'stupid woman' because the baby was being sick on me, 'stupid fucking woman' when the baby was crying in the night, obtuse because I said we'd watched a programme before (we had) and he said we hadn't, I dress like an oap, and a sixth former and look like an old harridan, I speak too loudly, pronounce things too northernly, have no aptitude for business and am a bad writer. He throws glasses and crockery and breaks them. He ruined Christmas 2013 because I didn't know the post office opening hours. Last NY's day night he broke glass and let my son dance bare foot in it, getting glass stuck in his foot, and told my son he would take him away and find him a new mummy...I could keep going but the above will give you an idea. Most of this is drink fuelled but he's capable of making nasty comments sober too.
Last night over dinner he said he was so frustrated with me because I am so clever and talented and should be a best selling novelist by now but I don't try. He said that the courses I've done recently are a waste and a distraction and my parents are negative and don't encourage me. He was in tears, apparently, but i just kept looking at him thinking 'is it real?', because if he really wanted me to write he could look after the children while I do it but he never does.
If I try to defend myself against any accusation he says that I always make excuses and I never take responsibility. For years I have soul searched as to whether this is true of me, but now I think it's probably his way of stopping me arguing back.
I really need help to see things clearly. I know I dream of being free of him, but I worry about my children, especially my son.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Utterly confounded & confused by husband
Picnicineden · 08/12/2014 22:11
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