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Please help. Am i over reacting, because I know I'm hyper sensitive?

(23 Posts)
amigababy Mon 08-Dec-14 21:44:34

Background is I'm 47 , been married 20 years. We are usually very happy. I am very quiet, dh less so. He developed a habit of addressing me as "Mother" in a 1950s style. I told him I found it upsetting. He said he'd stop but he carried on. I said I hated it so he said he'd not do it again.

He's just done it again. He knows I'm upset.

It makes me feel sick, asexual, unattractive, an old woman.
Am I crazy feeling like this. Do I need to emphasize just how it sickens me to hear it? Does he have a different image of me from how I see myself and is there any point trying to explain it or do I just crumple inside?

Caveat, may be peri menopausal!

FrauHelgaMissMarpleandaChuckle Mon 08-Dec-14 21:48:08

It doesn't matter if he's calling you "Mother" or "Gorgeous" or "Fluffybunnywunnybooboo"

you've asked him not to and he's carried on.

And that is disrespectful, and rude.

FrauHelgaMissMarpleandaChuckle Mon 08-Dec-14 21:48:38

Caveat - am also old and have limited patience. But I had limited patience when I was young grin

Bakeoffcakes Mon 08-Dec-14 21:49:02

I don't think you're being hyper sensitive at all. It's not a nice thing to deliberatley call anyone a name that they not like.

You said he knows you're upset, has he apologised?

IrenetheQuaint Mon 08-Dec-14 21:50:26

Call him Granddad in return. That should stop him grin

Quitelikely Mon 08-Dec-14 21:52:23

Well are you speaking to him as if your his mother?

Hassled Mon 08-Dec-14 21:53:47

Taking in isolation, it's bloody annoying but I wouldn't say "sickening". But I'm assuming you're not taking this in isolation - does he often ignore your feelings?

amigababy Mon 08-Dec-14 21:54:34

I wasn't addressing him , I just walked in the room and it was something like "mother , do you want a cuppa?"

amigababy Mon 08-Dec-14 21:58:51

He's apologized, he just doesn't seem to "get it"
We used to be really lovely together, now I envisage Darby & Joan. Which is silly at my age.
Irene grin

Norest Mon 08-Dec-14 21:59:58

Um I find that a little bit creepy tbh and can see why you don't like it. No you are not overreacting, I think it is normal to feel uncomfortable and hurt if someone who professes to love you insists on calling you a name you have told them you hate.

MillieH30 Mon 08-Dec-14 22:05:28

My DH started calling me "Mother" using bad West Country accent. I am 35 and found it equally humiliating - YANBU!

When he didn't stop, I found myself calling him "Father" in same accent (but at full volume) in front of random people in check-out queues and in front of his friends. It was worth the embarrassment - he hasn't done it since.

Muddlewitch Mon 08-Dec-14 22:10:49

I don't think you are overreacting at all, I would hate it too!

Once would annoy me, but to carry on when you have made it clear you don't like it is disrespectful and rude.

DistanceCall Mon 08-Dec-14 23:58:10

Call him "Wee Willy" or similar. See how he likes it.

overslept Tue 09-Dec-14 03:13:38

My DP calls me all kinds of names, there are literally about 50, they tend to be used for a bit then fade out, some reappear months later. I asked him not to call me some and then he just moves on to something else. I've learnt that he honestly can't help it, it just comes out.

There one I dislike the most is "Booby", he calls me this in public and the general public have no idea that my name start with a B and originally he called me "Boo" then the it changed to "Booby". To everybody else it just sounds like he is calling me a tit confused.... Worse still this week it has started to progress to "Poopy".

Coyoacan Tue 09-Dec-14 03:43:24

Total sympathy, I live in my Mexico and the equivalent is "Mi Reina" that my ex took to calling me, gggggggrrrrrr.

Wonc Tue 09-Dec-14 04:46:24

Every time he does it I would reply "yes Fuckwit?"

Mrsgrumble Tue 09-Dec-14 05:10:28

Just give him the middle finger each time, a bad eye and ignore.

smileybadger Tue 09-Dec-14 06:23:48

tell him your not his mother...then suggest he needs to talk to someone about his v weird obsession..or tell his actual mother , when shes sat in the room with hergringrin

smileybadger Tue 09-Dec-14 06:24:19

oops him

CogitOIOIO Tue 09-Dec-14 07:07:09

If you've asked someone to stop taking the piss and they carry on then it's not a matter of understanding..... I'm assuming he has regular comprehension skills and speaks English? .... it's a question of not caring. I would not tell him you find it upsetting any more because, if the man doesn't care, he may even get a sick pleasure out of your discomfort. I would tell him that, if he doesn't stop doing it, there will be dire consequences.... up to and including 'LTB'

Be assertive.

sonjadog Tue 09-Dec-14 07:08:48

I suspect it is more that he is not thinking and it slips out than he is being deliberately annoying. I would go for calling him something he wouldn't like ti be called for a while and see if it sinks in.

Bowchickawowow Tue 09-Dec-14 07:11:42

overslept my DH used to use "Booby" all the time and I HATED it! He just didn't seem to realise how it sounded! cringe

FunkyBoldRibena Tue 09-Dec-14 07:19:43

Caveat, may be peri menopausal!

And what has this got to do with it? Come on, the guy is not respecting you and you need to put your foot down and tell him if he can't show respect to you as a partner then you will be rethinking the relationship.

It has nothing to do with the menopause and everything to do with being in an equal relationship.

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