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Am I just being dramatic/acting like a princess(34 Posts)
Please be gentle with me. I don't know if I am just expecting too much.
I am a sahm - school aged children but I am starting work again january. I do everything in the house apart from his ironing and he gives our eldest his breakfast as I am usually in the shower at this point (ds1 leaves for school at 7.30). I have no problems with this at all, I'm at home so I do the running of the housework.
Dh has messed up a few times over the years. I don't drive so the only thing i don't sort out is anything to do with the car. He forgot to MOT it last year and ended up driving round for 3 months with it. I didn't say anything as he was mortified about it and he's a grown man so he didn't need me telling him off. He then says after his mess ups that he is so happy we are part of a team and I don't judge him blah blah. Well anyway I messed up our dentist appointment - I thought it was the Tuesday morning and it was actually the monday. We have now been struck off from our dentist as they have a 1 strike and you're out rule. Dh has gone mad and told me how crap I am as a sahm and if this was a real job I would have been fired by now!! I am gutted I have been so proud of being a sahm for the last 14 years and have felt I have done a bloody good job.
Also without going in to too much detail I have been doing an intense course this last 8 weeks which will help me so much with the future. I have had no support from him at all, he doesn't want to hear about it. I am so upset I have supported him for the last 20 years whilst his career goes from strength to strength. It was his idea that I go back to work and he can't wait for me to start so it's not about me going back to work.
I suppose I'm just questioning my marraige now I look back I can see its me who just keeps everyone happy but no one goes out of their way to make me happy.
We also don't have sex - we have it about once every 3 months as he doesn't feel like it?!? I have asked him to go to the dr he has said he will but he's being saying that for 3 years?
I suppose I'm asking am I being demanding or is this normal?
No you are not demanding.
Why on earth would you think you are?
Got any plans for making yourself happy?
Your future employment sounds the way forward. Will make you look at everything in a new light. Refusing sex? You need to know why.
You poor thing, that is so harsh. Think it says more about him than you if he can berate you for one missed appoint but you didn't for him not having an MOT - if he'd had had an accident that would not have gone down well with the courts esp if it was dodgy tyres etc (had someone crash into me a few months back with bald tyres but fortunately she had an MOT etc so got it all covered.
Sounds like he's annoyed that you've been a sahp for years esp if he's the one wanting you to go to work. He sounds v controlling tbh so make sure you don't hand over your wage to him/joint account so that you make sure you can have some treats/you time. Is he jealous that you're bettering yourself with this course?
Perhaps it would be better if sooner rather than later you sit down and have a chat with him and let him see how you are feeling before this escalates.
One missed appointment gets you sacked! Really ? He is treating you like absolute dirt. Put your foot down.
He's had his time and now it's yours. Go and get your career.
He sounds like he is trying to undermine your sense of independence and confidence in your abilities.
What were his reasons for wanting you to return to work? Are you sure he is actually happy about it? Just sounds as though he is setting you up here to be lacking somehow in terms of your role at home, and add that to being unsupportive about your course, it suggests to me he is not happy about you gaining more independence.
Thanks for the replies. I have tried talking to him but it doesn't work - he tells me to shut up and stop I've thinking things.
He wants me to go back to work so we have more money. We manage ok but we don't have money just to on a whim go away for a weekend if you know what I mean. I'm actually pretty excited about going back to work. He's doing his dream job which he lives so I don't think there is any jealousy. Mine isn't my dream job (I don't actually know what that is yet) but it's perfect hours to fit around the children which are really hard to come by so I am over the moon.
As for the sex thing I just don't know what's going on. I have tried it on so many times but he turns away that to be honest I hardly try anymore. There is only so much rejection one can take. This sounds awful now I type it and it is, but I didn't realise it until now - he has told me that even though he doesn't have Sex with me I can give him a blow job whenever I want as it makes him happy. The stupid stupid fool that I am does this weekly as I am so desperate for that connection?!?
I just don't know what to do. He is the only bloke I have ever had a relationship with.
He despises you, but I think you already know that. If he can manage an erection to humiliate you, he has no ED for one thing.
Call it a day. I'm making the assumption as he's your only relationship, you were quite young when you got together. Learn to drive, do the Freedom Programme and bring up your DCs without a twat teaching them the wrong lessons about relationships.
Good lord, it is only going to become clearer when you go back to work just how much this man hates and fears women
he is going to sabotage you in every single way he can to make his tiny dick swell just a little bit more
I echo what DTTYC said
You're not being a princess. You want to be treated like a human being.
Once you start the job-Run.
He sounds horrible. What are you getting out of this relationship OP? Instead of questioning yourself or wondering if you're expecting too much...reevaluate what it is you want. You deserve better treatment from him
or a different, better man
Nothing to add that hasn't been said above, but this is no way to live. You only get one life, you don't need to waste it with someone who doesn't appreciate you.
dear god woman
you pooor thing! this isn't your fault, this is HIM!
please find your way out and away from him? this is a terrible environment for you and for the children.
no more BJ's. what a disgusting little man
Stop the blow jobs. Now
Then work out what you really want from life. I never usually say LTB but I think you really should consider what it is that's keeping you there
It's not one of the most dramatic, but it's one of the most heart-rending threads I've read on here. It's like a long, slow, humiliating decline. It sounds to me that you're starting to awaken.
I don't know what to say other than it's absolutely not ok for him to talk to you like this.
This man is just awful . Please value yourself more, get back to work and then get rid of him. Life is so much better without arseholes who treat you like a non-person.
I am glad you are poised to go back to work where you will encounter new people new experiences. Maybe this prince among men will surprise you and be supportive and encouraging but don't hold your breath. I think instead you will start to challenge some of DH's attitudes. His notion of teamwork especially regarding sexual intimacy sounds one-sided to me.
Is his salary considered as family money by the way or something he earns and chooses to dole out, accompanied by lectures about how easy you have it and how well he treats you? I think the new year is going to see some big changes for you.
So he tells you to shut your mouth To express yourself and open it only for his pleasure.
Build yourself a life and start the process towards realising you can be so much happier. You don't have to put up with this shit, marriage can be wonderful so don't stat trapped with somebody who doesn't cherish you as you deserve to be.
OP, this is not how relationships are meant to be. Kindness, mutual respect, a willingness to put the other one first sometimes is the bare minimum you should get.
Do you get any of that from him
It might not be jealousy in the sense that he's worried you'll have found your 'dream job' and his isn't as good, but he could be pissed off that your sole purpose is no longer to run around after him and suck him off.
It's wonderful that you're starting back at work. Don't let him ruin that for you. Don't let him force you into the position where it's easier to quit than have the same arguments again and again - accusing you of shagging work colleagues (after all, you used to suck him off every week before you started the new job), slacking off 'your' responsibilities at home (assuming he won't be expecting to re-assign household chores to even things out now you aren't at home as much?), not running around after him enough, not giving him enough blow jobs. YOU'VE CHANGED. I don't approve of new work Chocoholic because she's no longer focused on ME, ME, ME... Chances are, you will change - for the better. Perhaps when your confidence grows from there, you can also consider walking away from this nasty little man.
This has to be the least dramatic/princessy scenario possible from the headline you've written. I was expecting "I wanted some £gazillion shoes for Christmas but I've found the receipt and they only cost a squillion - what to do?!"
God he sounds like a disgusting human being. Stop giving him blow jobs for a start!!
Can you please run a mile once you've got the job started?
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