Panorama, BBC1 now. Domestic violence

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

Scary stuff.

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

shit, sorry, it's just ending

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

Only half an hour long ...what the fuck ?

[dadwood]

Thanks. Gonna watch it on iplayer in a bit.

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

I rushed to put the thread up without saying it about non-physical domestic abuse. Just as much of a problem as "violence" of course.

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

it is

[BertieBotts]

Sounds good, I'll have a look later too :)

[BertieBotts]

I've said this before, but I'm baffled as to why it's so backwards, violence is a symptom of "emotional" abuse and control, it's not like the EA and control is something different or lesser. EA/control ARE the abuse, the violence is just a tool to keep you under control.

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

Indeed

[sus14]

Thought the comment about how abusers are totally dependent on those they abuse was very telling- it's certainly the case in my sit,and a big reason it's been so to leave, so useful to hear that.

[sus14]

Hard to leave I mean

[chockbic]

sus14

Interesting programme about how people in these situations have their life controlled. Upsetting to see that woman's battered face. Even then she was helping him out

[BeeOrchid]

Perhaps that's why my STBXH has fallen to pieces since leaving me and then me not letting him return (3 days later).

[BeeOrchid]

Because of the abusers being totally dependent on their victims, I mean.

[BertieBotts]

Oh yes what an important point. Yep one thing being totally dependent on someone and unable to leave, but when they're dependent on you, it seems harder again, because you're effectively abandoning them. But it's usually the case that they can find someone else to leech off soon enough

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

Codependncy innit

And often the strong one is the abused person, not the abuser.

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

*codependency

[Drumdrum60]

Indeed. I suppose that's the point . To break them down.

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

It takes a fuckload of strength to get through each and every day subjected to this kind of shit

Meting it out ? Not so much.

[arthriticfingers]

Sorry AF, but codependency is just yet another form of victim blaming.
A shit is a shit - nothing complicated about it - the only complication is the shit they leave you in: financial, mental, social, physical ...
We were just trying live like anyone else - with a partner we never dreamed was a shit.

[WankingInAWinterWonderland]

Yes it was interesting that poor woman, her face was such a mess. it certainly hit a nerve with me.

[CogitOIOIO]

I caught the end of it and must watch it again. I thought the woman running the support group made some interesting points and I liked her list of the ways in which an abusive person exerts control.... aka torture methods.

[chockbic]

The abuser even blamed the police for ruining his life. Unbelievable.

[HumblePieMonster]

Watched it. '80 women die of domestic violence each year...' was particularly chilling. The man featured in the programme planned his violence towards his wife, making arrangements for her to be absent from her voluntary work before he hit her.

[sus14]

The a users reaction to the police was familiar to me-
Also- him telling his wife- you re going to get me locked up you are. My fw has even told my dd that I ll
Do that to him. It was all very chilling and got me rethinking my exit plan as I actually feel a bit scared seeing that. But also- very angry- seeing it laid bare like that.

Yes the support woman and also the police psychologist were really excellent.

[sus14]

I think its the dependency thing that scares me as its so true in my case- which is what can make theme so dangerous if you show you are serious about leaving. Hadnt really considered that before just felt guilty- but actually someone not letting you leave is so awful. That feeling of being trapped has been with me for years.