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Panorama, BBC1 now. Domestic violence

(225 Posts)
AnyFuckerForAMincePie Mon 08-Dec-14 20:58:35

Scary stuff.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Mon 08-Dec-14 21:00:01

shit, sorry, it's just ending

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Mon 08-Dec-14 21:01:27

Only half an hour long ...what the fuck ?

dadwood Mon 08-Dec-14 21:04:21

Thanks. Gonna watch it on iplayer in a bit.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Mon 08-Dec-14 21:05:57

I rushed to put the thread up without saying it about non-physical domestic abuse. Just as much of a problem as "violence" of course.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Mon 08-Dec-14 21:06:07

it is

BertieBotts Mon 08-Dec-14 21:08:01

Sounds good, I'll have a look later too smile

BertieBotts Mon 08-Dec-14 21:09:15

I've said this before, but I'm baffled as to why it's so backwards, violence is a symptom of "emotional" abuse and control, it's not like the EA and control is something different or lesser. EA/control ARE the abuse, the violence is just a tool to keep you under control.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Mon 08-Dec-14 21:12:15


sus14 Mon 08-Dec-14 21:38:03

Thought the comment about how abusers are totally dependent on those they abuse was very telling- it's certainly the case in my sit,and a big reason it's been so to leave, so useful to hear that.

sus14 Mon 08-Dec-14 21:38:26

Hard to leave I mean

chockbic Mon 08-Dec-14 21:41:03


Interesting programme about how people in these situations have their life controlled. Upsetting to see that woman's battered face. Even then she was helping him out sad

BeeOrchid Mon 08-Dec-14 21:41:14

Perhaps that's why my STBXH has fallen to pieces since leaving me and then me not letting him return (3 days later).

BeeOrchid Mon 08-Dec-14 21:42:22

Because of the abusers being totally dependent on their victims, I mean.

BertieBotts Mon 08-Dec-14 21:43:31

Oh yes what an important point. Yep one thing being totally dependent on someone and unable to leave, but when they're dependent on you, it seems harder again, because you're effectively abandoning them. But it's usually the case that they can find someone else to leech off soon enough angry

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Mon 08-Dec-14 21:46:19

Codependncy innit

And often the strong one is the abused person, not the abuser.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Mon 08-Dec-14 21:46:34


Drumdrum60 Mon 08-Dec-14 21:51:44

Indeed. I suppose that's the point . To break them down.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Mon 08-Dec-14 21:58:46

It takes a fuckload of strength to get through each and every day subjected to this kind of shit

Meting it out ? Not so much.

arthriticfingers Mon 08-Dec-14 22:04:00

Sorry AF, but codependency is just yet another form of victim blaming.
A shit is a shit - nothing complicated about it - the only complication is the shit they leave you in: financial, mental, social, physical ...
We were just trying live like anyone else - with a partner we never dreamed was a shit.

Yes it was interesting that poor woman, her face was such a mess. it certainly hit a nerve with me.

CogitOIOIO Mon 08-Dec-14 22:30:26

I caught the end of it and must watch it again. I thought the woman running the support group made some interesting points and I liked her list of the ways in which an abusive person exerts control.... aka torture methods.

chockbic Mon 08-Dec-14 22:37:28

The abuser even blamed the police for ruining his life. Unbelievable.

HumblePieMonster Mon 08-Dec-14 22:57:10

Watched it. '80 women die of domestic violence each year...' was particularly chilling. The man featured in the programme planned his violence towards his wife, making arrangements for her to be absent from her voluntary work before he hit her.

sus14 Tue 09-Dec-14 05:55:10

The a users reaction to the police was familiar to me-
Also- him telling his wife- you re going to get me locked up you are. My fw has even told my dd that I ll
Do that to him. It was all very chilling and got me rethinking my exit plan as I actually feel a bit scared seeing that. But also- very angry- seeing it laid bare like that.

Yes the support woman and also the police psychologist were really excellent.

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