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He will never really understand

(10 Posts)
Tobewhatistobethatisall Mon 08-Dec-14 19:14:55

It's a painful realisation when you finally realise that the man you married and the man that you thought was going to help you and assist you (and of course together you were going to realise dreams with) will never really know you.

I say this as someone who is currently going through this. Has anyone read about bette midler today saying she overcome many fierce rows and marriage issues for the sake of her children. For me I feel rowed - out if there is such an expression. I feel deflated and what other adjective ... More than crestfallen ... Life I've just fallen off a cliff. I'm not trying to be dramatic it's just I've always tried to get on with things, move on, try to forget, yes forgive but to what end when the core of the relationship isn't there and probably wasn't there to begin with.

We used to be good friends. We used to enjoy each other in bed but these days we can't stand the sight of each other. I find him deeply unattractive because he has revealed sides of himself that I never knew, or was blind to I don't know. I guess I'm writing this because I feel I've seen the real him and I don't like it. I also know he has no real interest in understanding me or knowing me. It all feels so superficial.

Am I making sense? Can anyone else relate?

HumblePieMonster Mon 08-Dec-14 19:17:46

You do make sense. Find your way out, perhaps?

Tobewhatistobethatisall Mon 08-Dec-14 19:20:32

I feel numb right now. Just dealing with the realisation. There is no magic wand you can't just get someone to think the way you do when they are at total odds with you on so many levels. It's sinful and I don't really know how I got here.

Tobewhatistobethatisall Mon 08-Dec-14 19:20:56

Sinful? ... Painful

TheLittleOneSaidRollOver Mon 08-Dec-14 20:08:33

All the time you are wondering how you got here, you are wasting time you could be spending wondering how you get to somewhere else.

Tobewhatistobethatisall Mon 08-Dec-14 21:04:02

That is very true roll! Thank you

TheBug Mon 08-Dec-14 22:01:40

Sadly, yes I can.

Lately, I'm feeling like my whole adult life has been based on a mistake. It's a sad and lonely place to have ended up.

fluffapuss Wed 10-Dec-14 08:28:04

Someone older than myself at the time once said to me "other people are not like you & dont think like you"

This has since changed how I view the world as a whole & I agree that this is true

HollyJollyXmas Wed 10-Dec-14 08:59:17

Have you thought about therapy? I dont mean 'there is something wrong with me' therapy - but some support to work through these thoughts and feelings and find some ways out?

Lotsofponies Wed 10-Dec-14 09:09:15

I understand. Thing is what are you going to do about it? You could see about getting help together or get help (counceling or similar)to help you through this and help you to decide how to move forwards. You have 1 life so its not worth wasting it.

fluffapuss - what a fantastic piece of advice. I have real problems trying to understand people becasuse I am looking at it from my (possibly quite odd) point if view or the way I am or would feel.

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