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Should I give this money?

(34 Posts)
youlookbeautifultonight Mon 08-Dec-14 12:02:08

Backstory is my mum has lived with me for the past 16 years. In this time she has contributed 50 pound per week out of a 200 pound per week pension. I have covered phone bills, rent and all other household bills. Now I decided enough was enough as I have recently moved house and I paid for new blinds, carpets and all removal costs and she basically just walked in. I still have a broken bed and no bedroom carpet.She has found herself a flat in a sheltered housing complex and now my sister is requesting that each sibling (5) continubutes 200 pound to furnish and decorate this flat. I already feel that I have done more than enough for her and that I cannot afford and shouldn't have to give this money. I have am asingle mum to 2dc's and it is 3 weeks before Christmas sad

Whereisegg Mon 08-Dec-14 12:11:50

Can't you point out all the expense you have had for the past 16 years? (shock )
Did your siblings ever help?
Have your mum to stay etc?

MangoBiscuit Mon 08-Dec-14 12:14:31

Bit cheeky of your sister! Does she realise that you were shouldering costs for the last 16 years, or does she think that your Mum's £50 covered everything?

Pearl372 Mon 08-Dec-14 12:15:05

What has she done with the other £600 per month that she had left per month after paying you £200.
Has she not got savings accrued over the past 16 yrs she's lived with you?
Let your siblings contribute to her new home.
Keep your hands in your pocket.

sadwidow28 Mon 08-Dec-14 12:15:33

What has your Mum done with the £150 per week pension that she had left? Surely she has some savings because you covered her living costs for 16 years.

I don't understand why your sister thinks that she needs £1,000 financial assistance to move into her new flat.

youlookbeautifultonight Mon 08-Dec-14 12:15:46

No not ever. They all have partners and double incomes , spare rooms etc. This is what I am annoyed about as they are making me out to be the bad guy as she spins them a yarn about how much she does and how much money she actually has so they feel sorry for her. Now suddenly after all these they they are now acting like the good Samaritans and she is lapping it up.

CogitOIOIO Mon 08-Dec-14 12:16:14

I think the appropriate response is 'no'.... no further explanation required. Hate it when other people spend your money for you.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Mon 08-Dec-14 12:16:50


youlookbeautifultonight Mon 08-Dec-14 12:17:15

Yes she does have savings although she will never divulge how much.

sadwidow28 Mon 08-Dec-14 12:19:22

"No" is a full sentence.

WillkommenBienvenue Mon 08-Dec-14 12:23:18

What happened to your Mum's property before she moved in with you? Was there any benefit in kind?

HelloitsmeFell Mon 08-Dec-14 12:23:31


And if they argue then say 'OK I'll give you the £200 if you are happy to give me your share of her upkeep over the last 16 years.

TheHermitCrab Mon 08-Dec-14 12:24:46

Just tell them straight. And do exactly what HelloitsmeFell said.

youlookbeautifultonight Mon 08-Dec-14 12:27:33

She sold it as she couldn't afford the repayments when my df died. There was very little profit from it. I took her in as she had no were else to go and she has never left! I am working 50 hours a week and only just making ends meet so I'm not exactly wealthy myself.

Puzzledandpissedoff Mon 08-Dec-14 12:30:08

If you're sure the siblings can't come back with something they also contributed then it's simple ... ask them for their share of what her keep has cost you, and say you'll give them the £200 back out of that

WillkommenBienvenue Mon 08-Dec-14 12:32:42

If she's still got the profit from the sale of her house she will be able to use that? Is there an issue about that - do your sibs think she shouldn't have sold it or something? Or are they wondering why they are dipping into their own pockets while Mum's got a hefty sum stashed at the bank too?

youlookbeautifultonight Mon 08-Dec-14 12:36:47

They have never contributed, it has all been left to me. They don't think she has any money as it is assumed that she gives most of it to me! Ha, if only. When I try to correct them they come back with well she does pay her away and you can't make her pay any more as she is a pensioner!

youlookbeautifultonight Mon 08-Dec-14 12:39:06

She spent the profit from the house sale.

WillkommenBienvenue Mon 08-Dec-14 12:41:26

If they assume one thing when the truth was different, you need to get them round, go through the some bank statements, make sure they understand exactly what the situation was with you and your Mum. It will fester and get a lot worse if they think that you somehow benefited from your Mum staying, or that she hasn't got any savings because you took them.

It took several family deaths for my db to understand that when we stayed with dps we were paying rent. DPs were happy to pretend that we were freeloading all that time and it caused endless family rifts with them thinking they had a bad deal. I then also found out that the 'thousands' that had been given to DB1 over the years was in fact a couple of hundred for a new car when they had a new baby.

ArgyMargy Mon 08-Dec-14 12:42:51

This sounds bizarre. Just say you can't afford it.

Puzzledandpissedoff Mon 08-Dec-14 12:47:13

They don't think she has any money as it is assumed that she gives most of it to me

I bet it is ... and she doesn't want to discuss what savings she has either?? Sorry, but that's not how things work; just tell them what you've spent on her (don't enter a discussion as they won't want to hear it) and say a plain no to the "contribution"

WillkommenBienvenue Mon 08-Dec-14 12:50:24

In addition to Puzzled - make sure you discuss the profit from her property clearly to show where it went. How much was it?

Castlemilk Mon 08-Dec-14 12:57:15

'The answer is no. For the last 16 years I have very heavily subsidised mum, who has given me a quarter of her income to cover all living expenses. Anything she tells you to the contrary is untrue. I am relieved that she is moving as I simply cannot afford to keep her any longer, and certainly can't afford to bulk up the considerable savings she's amassed from the 3/4 of her income that she kept entirely for herself whilst staying with me.'

GloriousGoosebumps Mon 08-Dec-14 12:58:39

I think you’ve done your bit in financially supporting your mother for the past 16 years. Given that your mother underplays your support while being careful not to admit how much money she has coming in just tell your siblings about her income and how little she was contributing to the household bills over the past 16 years. Also tell them about her likely savings. Your mother can only get away with fudging the truth if you let her. You now have your own removal costs to cover and children to support. Make sure that you speak up loudly and clearly so that they have to hear you.

Whereisegg Mon 08-Dec-14 13:24:28

Any way you can have this chat with your mum present?
She would surely find it hard to deny her £50p/w contribution then?

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