Some background:
I've had years of passive aggressive behaviour from dh. He invests nothing into our relationship really, nor contributes to 'the family' (the usual complaint of me doing all the thinking/kids' birthdays/xmas/holidays etc) though he does get on with dds okay and will ferry them to various activities. He's been spectacularly unsupportive over a few big things that mattered to me in the past which I find hard to forgive him for, tbh.
This past year I decided not to invest in the relationship either (not to be the one who organises the social occasions to which he'd happily come along for the jolly; not to be one to hire the babysitter so we could go out or book a restaurant etc etc) to see if he'd bother doing it. He didn't. So I stopped too. Prior to this, I had made it crystal clear that a relationship, in my mind, was something that both partners had to work at. It didn't just 'happen'.
Over the past 2 years, he's also thrown tantrums and shouted alot, losing his temper disproportionately at quite minor things. To his credit, he decided to eventually access a counsellor at work and went for about 6 weeks. I encouraged this. I thought it would help him resolve and understand the dynamics of relationships and how they work.
However, all it seems to have done is to legitimate his own behaviour really. In a row a few weeks ago he retaliated to something I said with 'well my counsellor has said that you'd been abusive!'. I was gobsmacked and once over the shock wondered if counsellors can/should label whatever it was I was supposed to have done as 'abusive' without knowing all the facts, all the context from both sides (I am pretty sure I haven't been 'abusive'). It seems unprofessional to me and more destructive than constructive in terms of helping our situation.
Is this sort of value judgement within a counsellor's remit when they only have half a narrative?
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Relationships
dh's 'counsellor' has apparently called me 'abusive'. Is this really professional?
jobchanger · 08/12/2014 11:07
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