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Would work stress make him act like this or is fading out?

(7 Posts)
StressyBessie Mon 08-Dec-14 10:09:21

I've been seeing someone for three and a half months and it's been lovely!! We get on fantastically, always have a great time when we see each other, which is a few times a week, and are in touch a fair amount everyday. I've been feeling like I'm falling inlove and I've until now, I've always been convinced he feels the same way. He certainly says often enough how great he thinks this is.

The thing is, like anyone, I have been hurt a lot in the past. Up until now I've felt relaxed and secure in this relationship but the last few days I'm really having a wobble.

He works in hospitality and has a position with a lot of responsibility. He has always warned Me December is a nightmare and there has been a lot of unforeseen stresses where he works the last couple of weeks.

The last week he has been markedly different. He usually always finds time to send a little message or make a little call, but not at the moment. He's also seemed very preoccupied. I've tried to leave him alone. Saturday I sent him a little message saying I hoped he was ok. He didn't reply until last night when he told me he has decided he is handing his notice in and quitting. Something he has talked about in the last couple of weeks.

So you see, he obviously has a lot going on. This is not a decision he has taken likely, he is very ambitious but has had about as much as he can take.

I'm trying to be supportive and give space at the same time. I'm not sure I'm getting the balance right. The way he is acting these last few days is a lot like other men I've dated who have pulled away and faded out. How do I tell the difference?

I'm making his stress about me into head probably. I just suddenly feel quite insecure but don't want to add to his stress by saying that.

I don't understand why stress would make someone so distant? I would want him more if I was having troubles I think.

LadyMaryofDownton Mon 08-Dec-14 10:16:21

Hi, I work in Hospitality in a position with a lot of responsibility. This is one of the most stressful times of the year in the industry, so it's very possible that's why he's behaving as you've described.

We really don't have time to respond to calls/txts that are not urgent. He will most probably be run of his feet & not even get a lunch break. If you really can't understand this then your lucky you've never had a stressful job.

In the mean time cut him some slack & let him contact you when he can. If he does leave his job he will need you there to support him.

All the best & try not to over think things to much.

fiorentina Mon 08-Dec-14 10:17:54

If he is so stressed he is thinking of resigning from his job and a career he's trying to build, I would say he probably is struggling to find the head space to deal with a blossoming relationship at this stage. Maybe he doesn't want to burden you with the details and unload his stress onto you? However that means he's coming across as distant. Im sure he appreciates your support even in the form of texts.

Hang in there, hopefully this will resolve itself, but understand it's unnerving, it's hard to read someone you're just getting to know.

CogitOIOIO Mon 08-Dec-14 10:18:35

The hospitality (hotel, catering, entertainment... ) industry is notoriously anti-social hours for people working in it and, depending on their role, pretty full on. He said as much by telling you December is a nightmare. If you're the kind of person that needs 24/7 contact and feels insecure when you don't get it then it's going to be your decision whether you can see a future in him .... not wait for him to decide your future for you. Take control.

JaceyBee Mon 08-Dec-14 12:07:04

In the nicest possible way you do sound slightly needy. He could be picking up on that, even if we're thinking we hide it well it often comes through.

I would busy myself with friends and other things for now and see what he does. Don't chase him. If he doesn't contact you then I guess he wasn't as into you as you are to him, which sucks but at least you'll know.

But he probably is just stressed and busy. Try not to overthink it too much smile

NewEraNewMindset Mon 08-Dec-14 12:16:14

I don't think we can really answer this for you unfortunately. Only time is going to tell. I would really try and occupy yourself with festive stuff and put him on the back burner while he sorts his shit out

I'm not sure if you are actually boyfriend and girlfriend or just unofficially dating and still 'single'. If it's the latter then you are really going to have to sit on your hands and try and get out and about and even possibly date some other people. If he is your boyfriend then it's not fair on him to be so uncontactable and distant and I think it would be fair for you to try and pin down some Christmas/New Year plans. If he can't firm up any times to see you then I would let him loose.

StressyBessie Mon 08-Dec-14 13:49:58

Ok thanks everybody. I am going to stop thinking about it from now and just leave him alone I think. I told him last night I'm here to chat if he needs so I'll just see what happens. That's hard though!!!

jaceybee I agree, I am feeling slightly needy. I usually do a good job of hiding it but maybe he can sense it I don't know

newera we are boyfriend and girlfriend I think. Albeit early days. We're not dating other people, we've spoken about that. he mentions me in future plans (I'm talking next year, not retirement) so yeah I'd say we're more than casually dating.

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