Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

feelings unreciprocated and i need advice :-(

(10 Posts)
ticketytock2 Sun 07-Dec-14 21:52:55

hi, my first post here! smile

I will cut this as short as possible so here goes!

I have feelings for someone I work with, feelings have been there for a year. we both slit with our long term partners just before I started to have feelings. work night out 1 we ended up sleeping together, a few months after I told him how I felt he said he likes me finds me attractive but doesn't want to get into anything with anyone. same thing happens again at next night out and we have the same chat he gives me the same response (told him cant happen again as not fair on me and he agrees)

work night out number 3 and same happens again and we then have same chat but he reveals a bit more that its difficult we work together but its nothing to do with me he said im too good for him (he lost a hell of a lot of weight a year ago and is unrecognisable now he has lost so much), he said I could go and have anyone - I told him it's him I want. He still says he doesn't want anything he also said we cannot get into the situation where it can happen again - he doesn't want to hurt me etc.

I know on the face of it I need to back off and leave him alone (I did that after the second time) but in my heart I know we have something - we chat and chat and chat in work about anything and everything, we have chemistry and attraction. His sister told me he has shown her a picture of me! news to me as he told me he has never told anyone about me.

my head is telling me move on find someone else and forget it. My heart is screaming don't forget him don't give up there is something special there and he needs to let his barriers down.

head or heart? I don't want to look desperate so even if I go with my heart it means leaving him for a while few months maybe longer and see what happens at the end of the waiting. im so frustrated :-(

love to hear you advice - i've exhausted my friends!

xx

holeinmyheart Sun 07-Dec-14 22:05:23

You have to leave him alone. Strictly alone! He is obviously not in a place ATM where he feels he can commit.

What he is doing is NO good for you. You don't actually feel comfortable with what is going on either, so you should listen to your inner voice.

Usually when someone says ' you are too good for me' it spells the end.

I think you need to cut your losses and get out and find someone else.
It may be that he may come running then if it appears that he has lost you.
Or hang around waiting and wishing and wasting your life!

Fairenuff Sun 07-Dec-14 22:10:08

Why did you tell him it couldn't happen again and then do it again? Mixed messages isn't it?

Fmlgirl Sun 07-Dec-14 22:12:15

Listen to what he is saying. He does not want anything. Why is this good enough treatment from a man for you? Do you have no self esteem? I'm always surprised at things like that. No matter what feelings you have, you can do so much better.

Plus, in my experience 'I don't want. Relationship' just means 'I don't want a relationship with you'. As soon as someone comes about they truly care about, that goes out of the window.

ticketytock2 Sun 07-Dec-14 22:12:59

Alcohol sad really can't be around him and drink sad

I really do need to move on - it's just how? No matter who I meet my thoughts turn to him. Just wish I had a magic wand to make me stop thinking about him x

operaha Mon 08-Dec-14 08:47:11

The one thing I wish Id listened to before my ex and I got together was him saying he wasnt in the right place for a relationship. But we kept hooking up, I pursued him, he would call at night (literally booty call but I pretended I was fine with it). Eventually we decided to get together but those words never left me.
He was a total mess and the relationship was a car crash. I always wonder what would have happened if Id walked away when he first said "No". I think my life would have been a hell of a lot better now.

CogitOIOIO Mon 08-Dec-14 09:24:20

You're allowing yourself to be used unfortunately. The only 'feelings' he has for you most likely are the ones wiggling about in his pants. hmm I'd suggest you start looking for another job. This crush won't stop while you're still in the same environment

hollyisalovelyname Mon 08-Dec-14 09:34:07

You are being used.
You deserve more.

ticketytock2 Mon 08-Dec-14 10:16:28

Thanks ladies - not what I wanted to hear but I know it's the truth and I need to leave him behind me now and find myself someone who cares.

I have a date next weekend! Very scary but I think I need the distraction!

X

CheersMedea Mon 08-Dec-14 10:27:16

he said im too good for him (he lost a hell of a lot of weight a year ago and is unrecognisable now he has lost so much), he said I could go and have anyone - I told him it's him I want.

No one who says "you are too good for me" actually means it. Think about it! Why would anyone every say that? If someone is "too good" it means you think you are lucky to have them and cling on for dear life!!

Basically, this means "I am not interested in a relationship with you. I am trying to say this politely by dressing it up as "you are too good for me"."

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now