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I don't think I love my husband anymore but he is a good man ...

(4 Posts)
LionOfOz Sun 07-Dec-14 08:54:07

I've name changed. I think I just need some sense talking into me.

I don't think I'm in love with my husband anymore. It sounds mean but I find him boring. Recently I met another man and found that I liked him a lot. Nothing happened - he is very happily married, there was no chemistry and I'd never cheat or even have an emotional affair (let alone with somebody else's husband) - but I did privately think that I wish DH was more like him. Maybe it opened my eyes a bit.

We've been married 15 years, together for 18. Have a three year old DD and are in our late 30s. My DH is a lovely man and fantastic father. But I just don't feel that romantic sort of love anymore. I find him hard to talk to and when we go out for dinner we just sit in silence and rush home early. I find his lack of ambition and inability to say boo to a goose frustrating. He just always goes along with things and I feel I'm dragging him through life and have a passenger and not co-pilot on board. I'd love him to make plans or do stuff but inevitably he just asks 'what are we doing this weekend" but never contributes with ideas or plans.

I'm just so tired of it. I want to make things work and find that spark but nothing I do seems to help anymore.

NorthLDNgal Sun 07-Dec-14 08:56:52

Have you talked to him about it?

IsItTeaYoureLookingFor Sun 07-Dec-14 10:25:59

I would definitely advice speaking to him. Maybe he feels the same too.

When you've been with someone for a long time its very common for a relationship to lose its excitement. Its not your high priority anymore and becomes neglected.

Make a list of why you think your relationship has become like this. E.g. Are there issues that you dont deal with and just sweep under the rug?

Think about why you fell in love with your DH in the first place. What was it about him? Explore ways you can bring back those feelings you used to have.

Reestablish intimacy. By this I mean talk to each other about your feelings, share new information. Be open with each other. Get to know each other.

Make spending time together a priority without DC if you can sort out childcare. Go for a coffee, a walk etc

Talk about your long and short term goals. They may have changed from when you first got together

These are just some ideas but maybe you could really benefit from marriage counselling. Discuss this as an option with your DH.

Good luck OP. It takes time, hard work and a lot of effort. Hope it works out for you.

muddylettuce Sun 07-Dec-14 20:34:08

I feel for you. This happened to me. In hindsight that 'spark' was never there but after a string of bad eggs he was 'a good man' and I settled. Actually, he wasn't that great as it turned out so I don't regret leaving. You can't change someone so you might have to deal with his passiveness but I do hope you find some way to reconnect, sounds like there once was a spark, you have just allowed it to go out. X

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