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Is it normal to be like this?

(6 Posts)
KatyLovesKats Sat 06-Dec-14 23:39:44

I can't even look at my ex-h.

I dislike him so intensely... and realize now that I should have left him a long time before he met someone else and left me (which was two and a half years ago!) But he was my h, we had kids, I thought I loved him... But there was nothing between us, no friendship, nothing.

I am happy on my own and have as little contact with him as possible. On the well-being/mental health front I am fine when I don't have to see him, but when I do (dc's concerts, etc) I "dip" a bit... Dread seeing him, can barely bring myself to look at him, yet alone speak to him. Is this normal?

I don't want to be un-civil for dc's sake - but I loathe him. Is anybody else like this? How do you cope with it?

Lweji Sun 07-Dec-14 00:00:13

You know you don't have to see him?

He can arrange for someone else to collect the children. Are they very young?

KatyLovesKats Sun 07-Dec-14 21:57:26

No, they're older (10-15 range). I don't go to the door or anything when he collects them or brings them back. I just wish the thought of seeing him didn't feel me with such dread and gloom. It's depressing.

Thanks for replying.

Handywoman Sun 07-Dec-14 22:07:28

I'm the same OP. Left him 18months ago. He was EA over the 14yr marriage, it crept in while I dealt with the loss of my mum and becoming a mother myself. We have never discussed what went on or the way he made me feel. He simply sloped off. Then tried to behave like were are friends. I see him as little as possible. I think of him as a 'thing' nowadays rather than a person with feelings. When I see him I either look through or past him. I can't bear to make eye contact with him and utterly loathe him. For me it's the unresolvedness of it that hurts. I find it helpful seeing a counsellor to discuss feelings. Plus having good friends helps.

operaha Mon 08-Dec-14 08:49:45

Its been 8 years since I split with mine and sometimes I can tolerate him and sometimes I want to hurt his face.
The worst bit was a period just after we split and my ds who was 6 at the time was the spitting image of him sad
I still think hes a massive EA twat and Im only now recieving counselling for all the issues we had. I wouldnt rule it out even if you feel fine - as a counsellor friend of mine said "everyone needs counselling".

HamPortCourt Mon 08-Dec-14 14:20:42

katy when are you seeing him then if you don't go to the door at pick up and drop offs?

You mentioned concerts etc. Can you not share these between you if it causes you so much anxiety? Lots of parents have to miss these things and I would have thought that so long as one or other parent is there DCwon't mind?

It must be horrid for you but as your DC are older, it really won't be for much longer and should be less and less often that you see him. And it will get better over time I promise. thanks

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