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Lost my friends, things are changing and its scary!

(12 Posts)
creativeme Sat 06-Dec-14 22:41:24

Hi, I don't know if you remember a few weeks back I mentioned one of my friends decided to go back to her married man after breaking up every month just about, over the 4/5 years they have been together. Well since I have heard they are back together again, (I havent mentioned anything just not said anything or asked about him either.) she has decided not to talk to me.

She knows I think he is playing her and don't approve of him, everyone thinks the same however nobody has really said anything to her before about him.

So its interesting, we were meant to go out with her daughter this weekend to London but she went with him going back 2 weeks ago to the same place which is fine, however without me seeing it on Facebook I wouldn't have known, so instead we decided to make an arrangement to go out this weekend ice skating, which she had booked already.

We had arranged to meet at 3pm today, so I text at 12pm saying "where would you like to meet?",...I heard nothing back from her - only for me to text again at 3:30pm saying "parking is a nightmare lol and I hope you and little one are whizzing around the rink....and looking graceful, shall we meet for coffee afterwards?"

....and I was quite happy to do this but heard nothing not even from that text?

This isn't like her, but I feel something has changed since she has gone back with this married man and doesnt want to face it with me perhaps, I really don't know, don't think I will ever know. But I feel she is being really rude now and I am starting to lose my patience with her as well as thinking she really isn't worth being a friend after 7 years.

I don't approve of her married man relationship, its highly draining but havent quite said anything about this time she went back, nor have we ever really fallen out about him before, apart from one time when she took sides with her other friend because I made a statement about her friend who was rude to one of my friends, I had to apologise in the end...even though it was her friend who slated my friend's work, I thought that was really rude.

Either I am really bad at friends/confrontation or I need to find new friends and ones who are similar to me, I am starting to think this now as something says to me I don't fit in anymore.

I am in my late thirties, no children but have a great job, and nice home, car and lovely family. My friend here hates her job, no money, has a lovely daughter who I really get on with but is involved with this married man. Perhaps our lifestyles are just different now I don't know or she knows we are too different.

Any thoughts, as I don't really want to confront her anymore as I am tired of it and thinking perhaps she is controlling me as she has done something similar to her sister when she was annoyed with her and didnt talk to her. i am done with games though! i am feeling upset but at the same time want to walk away and forget it all...

thank you for reading on a Saturday night

HumblePieMonster Sat 06-Dec-14 22:46:32

Call it a day with this one. Try out some new interests, meet new people.

Tobyjugg Sat 06-Dec-14 22:48:59

Walk away. I have a feeling she'll come back into your life when it all goes down the pan again.

Drumdrum60 Sat 06-Dec-14 22:49:18

Her mind is elsewhere.

slightlyworriednc Sat 06-Dec-14 22:52:06

So you made an arrangement to go ice skating, but instead of turning up, you texted her- half an hour late- and suggested meeting for coffee instead?
Why do you think her ignoring you is linked to the married man?
I'd have been livid to be let down like that!

tribpot Sat 06-Dec-14 22:56:52

It's not clear from your post exactly when the arrangement to meet was made, pre or post her decision to get back together with him. However, I think I would take this opportunity to get away from her endless drama and your role as supporter in the Great Tragedy of their unfulfilled love, blah blah.

So - she's dumped you. Fine. You would easily be able to overcome the disparity in your lifestyles if she wasn't bound up in this psychodrama and/or she actually was your friend. But why not start looking for people who are more similar to you - join a running group or a book group or a night class? Plan a fabulous city break, or a walking holiday whatever it takes to keep yourself busy and out of her orbit. The world is your oyster - don't waste it on her toxic relationship.

HelenaHB Sat 06-Dec-14 22:57:40

We had arranged to meet at 3pm today, so I text at 12pm saying "where would you like to meet?",...I heard nothing back from her

tribpot Sat 06-Dec-14 22:57:50

No, slightlyworried, the OP texted at 12 pm before the arranged meet-up time and heard nothing back. It's the friend who stood up OP, not the other way around.

creativeme Sat 06-Dec-14 22:57:51

....no i had text her yesterday to say still on for Saturday at 3pm? always get a reply from her, but nothing, then text today at 12pm, still on for 3pm? nothing...again very rare...then at 4pm....as she was already there and booked herself with her daughter...so they werent waiting on me...., nothing. Hadn't heard from her all week this was nothing to do with my text.....prior to all this on Tuesday this week dropped her an email as we always exchange via work to see how we both are...nothing!!
.....so this is where Im saying something changed...its not to do with my text, I text her again at 5pm saying I am here still, costa coffee? I didnt let her down in any way, I was trying everything. I just didnt write everything down here as its too long etc....

I have never let her down before...in all our 7 years nor do I ignore someone so you can understand where I am confused...!

Maybe like others say its time to call it a day!

creativeme Sat 06-Dec-14 22:58:22

Thank you Tribpot exactly lol!!

SoleSource Sun 07-Dec-14 15:42:41

Move on she in my opinion is passive aggressive by not keeping to arrangements you have made together. Rude, selfish and walks all over you by the sound of it. No more contact from you and let her go. Very difficult to do I know but it is unhealthy to stay in this friendship as the lows are bad for youe health. Think about your own boundaries, she tramples over them. She is disrespecting herself.

It is better to be alone than to chase after friendships or give a selfish friend too much of yur mind space when they don't give two fucks about your feelings or who you are.

peppaistired Sun 07-Dec-14 16:50:38

OP, this person doesn't deserve the time of the day from you any more. That's awful. I'd be hurt too to be treated like that. Please keep this person at a distance or drop altogether. You seem to have a fairly nice life and don't need these little games and drama.

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