During my previous abusive relationship, my ex raped me. He'd asked for anal sex, I said no, he pinned me down. At the time, my self respect had been pushed so low that I actually blamed myself for saying no. I later had a child with him, but left when she was still very tiny, partially because of the abuse, partially because I was sick of him cheating and partially because of drug use. I needed DD out of that dangerous and toxic environment. When I went back to collect some of my things, both he and his ex were there. Not surprising as he'd been stringing her along for years and did cheat on me with her I later found out. My confidence (or anger) had grown at this point, so in front of my ex, I warned her about this incident, among other things. He admitted it to her, making the excuse that he was high.
7 months later, because he has no criminal record, I'm biding my time allowing him supervised access to DD. Essentially, I want him completely out of her life but I have no hard evidence of the rape or any of his other dangerous behaviour.
His ex has been in touch. Though he's not raped her, he's been highly emotionally abusive and manipulative and has now cast her aside in favour of a woman who is completely new, knows none of his past, and has probably been told a pack of lies about why he and I separated. He was seeing the new woman and his ex at the same time for a while but discarded ex because he's now moved new woman in.
After his ex contacted me to tell me this (she thought he'd missed a contact visit and was trying to drop him in it) I got thinking about why she pursued a relationship with a man who'd admitted to rape. I've now sent her a message checking she's alright and suggesting she talks to someone about his affect on her as it's not healthy to want a man like that.
1st thought after I'd sent is that if she responds, I may finally have some evidence of him having admitted to rape.
2nd was that the poor woman he's now moved into his house has no idea what he's like and I'm racked with guilt for not reporting the rape at the time.
WWYD?
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WWYD re sexually abusive Ex (Poss trigger) **title edited by MNHQ at OP's request**
20 replies
CupidStuntSurvivor · 06/12/2014 20:19
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