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XH is remarrying - don't know how to feel

(8 Posts)
NowOrNowt Fri 05-Dec-14 23:16:12

Found out at the weekend that XH is getting married the week before Xmas. We were together 10 years no DC.Both in our 40s. Been divorced 3 years with practically NC.

I knew he was seeing someone and expected him to remarry one day but shocked now to hear its happening. Don't want him back, don't feel any dislike for him or her - don't know her - just feel odd about it. He's just moved on and has this new life with her. Suppose my life has changed too -its good but doesn't include a new partner and not desperate for one.

Not sure what I'm asking - just rambling.

springydaffs Sat 06-Dec-14 00:37:12

I left my husband and it was a case of good riddance to bad luck. Couldn't wait to see the back of the shit. But I felt 'funny' on the day he remarried. All that promise come to nothing? I didn't have a partner and he did and they were sailing off into the sunset? Justice malfunctioning? aka NOT FAIR.

It's pants.

Anniegetyourgun Sat 06-Dec-14 06:55:41

Pity her.

Heyho111 Sat 06-Dec-14 08:21:46

I can understand that you are feeling odd. I imagine because it is a chapter in your life that is completely closing. There may be a slight feeling of rejection too. You don't want to be with him but you had a long time together and a connection that doesn't just disappear.
It's ok to feel a bit odd about it. You will feel a bit better once the wedding has been and gone.

CogitOIOIO Sat 06-Dec-14 08:36:31

I felt weird too. We didn't have children so it was NC from the moment he left. Found out on the grapevine he was married with a baby and living in a smart part of London. All things we'd talked about doing. Didn't want my XH back and felt no animosity towards his new DW (our OW) but had this uncomfortable feeling that someone else was living my life!

fairylightsintheloft Sat 06-Dec-14 08:58:02

totally normal. I left my very lovely ex and was / am happily settled with my DH and 2 DCs. I was happy in my head that ex had met someone because I hurt him horribly when I left and was happy he wasn't alone, but absolutely I felt a bit sad on the day he remarried and saw some pics on a mutual friend's FB page. Go and do something nice on the day, stay off any social media that might draw you in (if you have mutual friends). If you are on good enough terms you might even consider sending them a message of good wishes, but that might be a step too far. Depends on how amicable the split was of course - some of the pp have said "pity her" etc that might not be appropriate. Just because someone wasn't right for you doesn't mean they're not right for anyone.

Neverknowingly Sat 06-Dec-14 09:45:01

I have no feelings positive or negative to exH or his wife but I recently saw some FB posts from former mutual friends about the Christening of exH's daughter. It took place in the village we used to live in (we both moved from there immediately post divorce), celebrated at "our" local pub/restaurant with his bf's wife (one of my bf's pre and for a few years post divorce) as God-mother. It was like watching a play that I had expected to star in and knew all the lines to but with someone else in my role. Their wedding was also almost a replica of ours but with a different bride in a big white dress with a different neckline.

Despite being completely indifferent, it does feel weird! I have a great life, more authentically me than in my younger days. New DH, children, no hypocritical religious wedding or Christening ceremonies just for "show", live in a city now, plan to emigrate etc and would not want that old life but it just feels weird to see her slotting in to what was MY life and that it does not seem to look weird to exH, his wife or our former mutual friends.

I only keep them (former mutual friends) as FB friends because we never fell out and notionally are still "friends" and it seemed rude to delete them. But when a little time has passed, I think I will. It is anomalous to keep them and it feels strange when reminders of my former life intrude in to this very different one. Like having a past-life experience or an odd disconnected deja vie.

NowOrNowt Sat 06-Dec-14 10:21:35

Some of you have summed up my feelings brilliantly.

It was like watching a play that I had expected to star in and knew all the lines to but with someone else in my role. Thats spot on Never

I know what he'll be saying to her, things he'll do for her, how he'll be so full on, so helpful, so supportive, so loving , so controlling that she'll just be bundled along by him as I was. He's not a bad person but I sure as hell wouldn't be wanting to be his new bride. Done that, been there.

Now ive had a few days to think on this and talked it over with friends last night with much wine I can see it for what it is - just someone I used to know who has moved on. If I'd met someone new I'm pretty sure Iwouldn't give him a secomd thought, which is how thngs were before I found out about this proposed marriage. still feel odd but no where near distraught.

Annie although I don't know her, I do pity her because I know that there life together will be lived on his terms.

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