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How you felt when you your divorce came through

(17 Posts)
Hesaysshewaffles Fri 05-Dec-14 14:54:39

I had a call from my solicitors saying im now officially divorced. I am a mess and feel numb. I haven't cried this much in months. Why am I feeling this way when it was me who filed for it?

CogitOIOIO Fri 05-Dec-14 14:56:05

Because it's the final page of a sad story that started with such hope and optimism...

UncrushedParsley Fri 05-Dec-14 14:56:32

Maybe because it's a kind of grief, for the marriage that you wanted and hoped for and didn't get? I felt a bit like this, even though XH had behaved so badly I didn't feel I had an option if I wanted to remain sane. I felt sad, but relieved it was over too.

UncrushedParsley Fri 05-Dec-14 14:56:53

Crossed with Cog

HumblePieMonster Fri 05-Dec-14 15:01:30

Because you start out with hopes, thinking it might be forever, that you'll help each other to fulfil your potential... then your hopes crumble away and you find compensations and also gather bitterness that supports you through the admin part at the end... and then its gone. just gone. and with it, those years of your life.

But that was in 1988 for me. I can promise you that eventually, its just part of the colourwash that forms the background to the painting of your life. Takes a while, though.

When you're ready, wash your face, have a drink of cold water and put it out of your mind.

Hesaysshewaffles Fri 05-Dec-14 15:05:02

Thank you. Makes sense. Thing is I haven't stopped loving him and I have been able to forgive the pain he caused me, but I couldn't forget what he did and would get flashbacks.

Even though I'm online dating now and been on my own for coming up two years, the thought of him being with someone else still tears me up

GoatsDoRoam Fri 05-Dec-14 15:08:10

Because now you can let go. Of hope and effort and joy that did not last and pain that was not resolved. Some of the deepest emotions we're capable of are tied to marriage and divorce, so crying is hardly surprising as a reaction. Be kind to yourself. It's the end of something that was very meaningful to you, for a time.

susiedaisy Fri 05-Dec-14 15:09:36

Sad but relieved

Lotsofponies Fri 05-Dec-14 15:43:17

For me it was relief tinged with a sense of failure, but deep down I knew I shouldn't have married him in the first place.

MixenLane Fri 05-Dec-14 15:47:31

Similar, I was a mess and felt numb for a couple of days.
After that I felt immense relief and sadness for quite some time.

KouignAmann Fri 05-Dec-14 16:42:39

Yes to sad but relieved. I still get pangs of regret that things didnt work out. I thought I married for life. I still don't quite understand how it all went so horribly wrong. But I'm happy now. Older and wiser!

ChoclolateOrange Fri 05-Dec-14 16:56:07

For me I felt a disappointing sense of anti climax when my bit of paper came through. It was long and painfully fought for and I hadnt love my ExH for a long time so my situation was a bit different.

However, in the following weeks I felt such a huge burden had been lifted I was finally free of all the sh*t and my life was mine to do as I pleased from now on. What a joy!

Hopefully OP you might feel more positive soon. I think perhaps it is important to learn to be single and happy before getting into a new relationship, but then perhaps that is just me.

GoatsDoRoam Fri 05-Dec-14 19:50:49

I threw a party.

Notexactlymarthastewart Fri 05-Dec-14 21:57:31

I let out a woo hoo, punched the air and did a little chair dance. My workmates congratulated me fgrin

flowers hope you feel more positive about it soon OP. Take care.

meandjulio Fri 05-Dec-14 22:04:38

A bit hollow.

I'm amazed and impressed that you're dating. To be fair I had an illicit shag with an ex-boyfriend quite early but it took me three years to actually look for a relationship.

IPokeBadgers Fri 05-Dec-14 22:37:52

Sense of relief for me, also tinged with a pretty huge sense of failure.....but for me, the whole marriage had been a mistake and I had moved on. My decree absolute came through the same day I was celebrating my new boyfriend's birthday....the man who became my second husband!

Hesaysshewaffles Fri 05-Dec-14 22:50:57

Meandjulio I am actually loving dating. What's weird is that prior to hearing that the divorce was through I hadn't actually thought about him, except in a caring way. It's so weird

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