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Is my dad a narc or has other mental health issues?

(7 Posts)
kulashaker Fri 05-Dec-14 13:29:30

I am getting increasingly worried about my dads behaviour. He is in his early 60s now, and for as long as I can remember he has been quite an aggressive person with a very short fuse. He has never hit me or my sister or my mother, but the littlest things set him off into a shouting rage. For example if the train is late he will pace up and down the platform shouting and not care that anyone is looking! Or if he gets stuck in traffic he will start shouting in the car. What sets him off the most is if feels he is being told he is wrong, he literally explodes with anger out of no where! It was quite strained growing up at home, and now my sister and I have moved out, we notice his behaviour more when we visit, and I feel really bad for my mum having to live with someone with a temper like that. he is very dominate in conversations, almost like it�s a monologue rather than a conversation, and thinks what he has to say is more important than anyone else.

A couple of times we have tried to approach him about his behaviour, and anger etc, but this just sets him off as he thinks we are all ganging up on him. Which of course we aren�t, and have even tried one on one chats to try and see whats going on, but it always has the same outcome with him losing his temper. Growing up so many family occasions and holidays were ruined by his outbursts, and it makes me sad that now grand children have come along he still hasn�t mellowed out, and I don�t want it to get to the point we cant all be in the same room. with Christmas coming up and all of us being at my parents this year I am worried it is going to end up with my dad kicking off and ruining the day!

What would you do? Do you think he is a narc? Or has some other kind of mental health issue??

TheHermitCrab Fri 05-Dec-14 14:51:18

Sounds just like my dad. My dad is a narc (displays the above and much more)

nothing seems to work so I can't give you any advice but I can empathise!

I was in the car with him yesterday for 20 mins. He managed to argue and rant about everything (from speed limits, to other drivers, to insisting somebody elses windscreen wipers in front were broke) Despite me not saying a word back he managed to get to the point of shouting as if I was arguing with him. Despite only "hmmm" and "OK" responses.

I then confronted him "why are you shouting as if I'm arguing with you, I haven't said a word..."

"well shouting is the only way you will understand!"

Understand what... bizzarre behaviour!

My dad's in his late 60s but always been the same...

CogitOIOIO Fri 05-Dec-14 14:53:37

You're certainly describing someone who is highly unstable, irrationally angry and aggressive. Whether it's a personality disorder or not is really for a doctor to decide. Even if he does have a personality disorder, if he doesn't volunteer for treatment, I can't see anything changing. All you can do with someone like this is minimise their involvement in your life and certainly your DCs' lives. They don't deserve to see granddad kicking off.

GoatsDoRoam Fri 05-Dec-14 15:13:34

Don't spend Christmas with him.

Your children do not need their childhood memories ruined, or to learn from him that this behaviour is acceptable, and to learn from the other adults around that one puts up with this kind of behaviour from our loved ones. It will teach them very damaging lessons.

AttilaTheMeerkat Fri 05-Dec-14 15:20:41

I would not want to spend Christmas with someone like your Dad regardless of why he is the way he is. You did not cause him to be this way inclined. And fwiw yes he may well have some sort of personality disorder but has never sought the necessary help.

You have a choice re this man, your children do not. Why should they be subjected to someone as self absorbed and bad tempered as their grandad.

GoodAndBad Fri 05-Dec-14 16:36:15

I'm a serial lurker but I just had to post because you could be describing my F. He has done some truly terrible things over the years (I've actually recently been thinking about posting on here to see if people agree that his behaviour isn't acceptable or whether I don't give him a chance). Everything culminated 18 months ago when it blew up at my wedding and we've been NC since.

I don't want to sound overly harsh or suggest that your F is anything like mine (I really hope not!) but we have given him so many chances over the years and every time we think he has changed it only lasts a few weeks. He had a breakdown a few years ago and finally agreed to counselling which was a massive deal as he had previously never admitted any fault for anything, including physical abuse toward a number of family members, including myself, it was always our fault. Even that didn't last. He decided he was cured so of course, that was decided, no matter what any professionals said.

Sorry for the rant, I realise it's probably not very useful to you but I didn't realise how nice it would be to get it all out. If nothing else, I hope you take from this that you're certainly not alone and there are people here to talk to who really do understand.

TheLittleOneSaidRollOver Fri 05-Dec-14 18:02:21

There are no magic words to make someone change their spots. Especially not in their 60's.

He is how he is.

All you can control is how you teach your children to respond to his nonsense. They will learn from your example.

Will you teach them appeasement or self-respect.

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