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Right, so if a colleague...

(64 Posts)
Woozlebear Fri 05-Dec-14 01:03:08

At a Christmas party, sat you down and said you looked fantastic, and you always looked fantastic because you dress in a way that's true to yourself, and then had a long drunken heart to heart about various things, then vaguely suggested lunch, then kissed your hand before wandering off, would you think:
1) very drunk, forget it
2) eccentric kindred spirit
3) making a move

Hetero male colleague, I should add. And at pains to state he is in happy relationship. Knows I am married. We don't know each other that well but have worked together more closely recently and have had some random conversations about beliefs opinions etc in recent weeks. I think there's always been a sense that we're both a bit different in a similar way. But nothing more than that.

I genuinely don't know how to read it. I've had very nice friendships in the past with guys who everyone else dismissed as creepy or coming on to them, and where there has been nothing of the sort.

I'm lacking in faith in my judgment because I recently discovered that everyone thinks another male colleague who I thought I had a nice friendship with fancies me.

Part of me thinks I must just be really naive, part of me feels sad that it all has to be seen to boil down to sexual attraction.

Tobyjugg Fri 05-Dec-14 01:15:49

I'd assume (1) and never refer to it again, unless he starts saying the same thing when back at work and sober - in which case it's (3) and you will have to decide what to do about it at that time.

Johnogroats Fri 05-Dec-14 01:18:29

3 or 1. Be a bit flattered and forget it.

EBearhug Fri 05-Dec-14 01:23:41

3 and 1. As Tobyjugg says, if it's remembered back at work, then you'll need to decide what to do then.

But I would usually assume 1.

BOFster Fri 05-Dec-14 02:46:48

It sounds like a very typical case of drunkenness.

As to the rest of it- well, there's no real theme there, is there? It's just life. Sometimes people are sleazy, sometimes they aren't, but folk gossip anyway. It has got nothing to do with you being naive or cynical.

Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire Fri 05-Dec-14 02:53:37

I'd say 1 and reserve judgement on 3 but be wary.

dottytablecloth Fri 05-Dec-14 04:57:51



Act totally normally next time you see this person.

daisychain01 Fri 05-Dec-14 05:01:22

Should there be an option called Do nothing because we are both already spoken for?

daisychain01 Fri 05-Dec-14 05:04:14

Sorry if I have misread option (3) are you asking if he is making a move?

If so knee in the goolies normally does the trick fgrin

Lweji Fri 05-Dec-14 05:07:23

It is possible that there is some attraction going on, but if all he did was to kiss your hand, it doesn't sound too sleazy and I'd just brush it off.

Some men may well be more touchy feely and friendly to women, in the same way that some women are the same to men, without there being a particular sexual attraction. But it can become a very fine line.

I'd forget about it, but if it develops further I'd be friendly whilst maintaining strict and clear boundaries.

Wonc Fri 05-Dec-14 05:11:44

1 definitely.

I talk all sorts of shite when I've had a few. That's not to say you aren't the things he said. I'm sure you are, but affection and compliments when drunk are not to be relied upon, believe me. I once told someone I had just met they were the smartest person I had ever met. I thought so at the time. In the cold, sober light of day? Not so much.

Vivacia Fri 05-Dec-14 06:17:21

I'd think he was making a drunken pass at me. Could probably ignore it the first time, but I'd be starting to get pissed off if it happened again. I'm with a wonderful man and am a very loyal creature.

WildBillfemale Fri 05-Dec-14 06:51:39


It's not a pass. He's drunk, he's being a friendly drunk, he's paying you a drunken compliment.
Forget it.

LittleRedRidingHoodie Fri 05-Dec-14 07:10:48

I'd think he was drunk. I'd tell my partner because we tell each other everything and it 'bursts the bubble' with this other guy and I'd not think of it again. It's nice to be complimented, even by a drunk person, so that's a little moment you can keep.

CogitOIOIO Fri 05-Dec-14 07:14:38

It's the office party version of.... You're lovely you are.... <hic>... You're my besht pal.....

BTW... saying you dress in a way that's 'true to yourself' sounds like a very backhanded compliment!!

Woozlebear Fri 05-Dec-14 07:22:12

Ok good that's reassured me. Everything in my office gets so skewed by everyone being so teenagery about stuff like this. If anyone even caught a moment of it they'll still be gossiping in 5 years time about how he's madly in love with me.

Daisy the do nothing was a given, and yes, I was asking whether he was making a move, not if I should! I like him as a friend so would be sad if I thought it couldn't be that without getting weird or being inappropriate.

Woozlebear Fri 05-Dec-14 07:25:55

Yeah the dress comment sounds weird I know but it was nice and makes sense in real life- both he and I are rather 'different' in the context of our workplace. The comment was partly a segue into a discussion about that.

Vivacia Fri 05-Dec-14 07:44:14

I'd be wary about this special connection you have.

Woozlebear Fri 05-Dec-14 08:24:09

I agree vivacia. If it wasn't for the fact that there is a slight kindred spirits sort of undertone I'd have instantly dismissed it as just the booze. But it was that that made me worry it was more. Hopefully not, but it's good to be wary.

FunkyBoldRibena Fri 05-Dec-14 08:29:10

I'm pretend to have also been drunk and not remembered a thing about it.

NewEraNewMindset Fri 05-Dec-14 08:29:17

I think he does fancy you and I think the drink brought his guard down and he ended up spewing all this nonsensical crap at you.

I fully suspect that when he sobered up he felt like a total idiot. I don't think he will put any moves on you as the scenario you paint sounds very sweet and naive and not the workings of someone who wants to instigate an affair.

CogitOIOIO Fri 05-Dec-14 08:38:00

Of course he fancies you btw

Woozlebear Fri 05-Dec-14 10:22:16

Ah, now you see this is what I feared... I mean it's good that if that's the case he just kind of indicated it without making a pass, but it means I don't know how to behave around him now. I was enjoying having found a new work friend hmm

NewEraNewMindset Fri 05-Dec-14 10:29:40

Woozle come on, be a grown up. We don't stop fancying other people even when we get older or get married, find a girlfriend etc. so what if he fancies you?

Unless he is making work life impossible by throwing rose petals everywhere you walk you just keep bring friendly and do your job. If down the line he makes a move in work time then it's an HR issue. If not then pretend the drunk thing never happened and be professional.

If you are an attractive woman or man in the workplace it's an occupational hazard that people may fancy you. Some people use that to their advantage and play the system to progress their career, others find it horribly embarrassing. Unfortunately it's short lived as at some point we all reach an age where we become pretty much invisible to the opposite sex, so enjoy the attention while it's there smile

CogitOIOIO Fri 05-Dec-14 10:30:13

Then treat him as a new work friend but be sensible about it and make sure that the way you're talking to him can't be construed as flirting, either by him or others. Just because someone finds you attractive, it doesn't mean you can't be friends.

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