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listening to the little voice within

(13 Posts)
snoopdoggy Fri 05-Dec-14 00:13:41

I'm reading through similar posts and dying to respond to women who have similar issues. Quiet rationally i might add, would like to give advice regarding LTB. But i can't advise myself and tell myself i'm being a stupid woman. why is it so hard to take own advice and put it into practice?

HumblePieMonster Fri 05-Dec-14 00:22:03

Stings, doesn't it? I've been sharing my opinions online for years. The problems in other people's relationships are so glaringly obvious and the solution is often ltb. Reflecting on the things i've said to others has kept me out of mischief, though.

Its way, way harder to take a common-sense approach when your own emotions are involved.

Notmeagain1 Fri 05-Dec-14 03:07:50

Listen to that lillte voice....99% of the time its right.

Op, I hope you are ok and are able to sort things out for yourself.

Its hard to give advice on a vague post, but if you need help or hand holding, just ask. The smart ladies on here are always most of the time great with helpong sort things out. Wishing you well. cake

Notmeagain1 Fri 05-Dec-14 03:08:22

* little...ffs

Neechy Fri 05-Dec-14 06:09:06

I vowed I would never ignore the little voice again, but now it's coming to the crunch and I'm terrified :'( What if it's not the little voice and it's just my ego that's talking and I'm throwing a relationship away

AttilaTheMeerkat Fri 05-Dec-14 06:38:45

"What if it's not the little voice and it's just my ego that's talking and I'm throwing a relationship away"

Never ignore your little voice, that is your intuition talking.

Read up on the "sunken costs" fallacy in relationships which causes people to make poor relationship decisions. What is forgotten here is that the damage has already been done.

Neechy Fri 05-Dec-14 06:51:56

I've read up on a lot of things, narcissits, passive aggresive, how to spot a loser etc I see bits of myself and him in them all - maybe I'm as screwed up as he is ...

Meerka Fri 05-Dec-14 07:57:43

Whether you are or aren't, neechy, it sounds like you need a break to gain space and be able to see clearly. You aren't happy at the moment.

CogitOIOIO Fri 05-Dec-14 08:46:42

If it's hard to take your own advice it may be because you are too close to the problem. If you've spent years rationalising the status quo, making compromises and adapting, changing your mind means acknowledging that was a waste of time. And who wants to admit that? You'll have a long mental list of pros and cons... mostly cons. If they don't drown out the 'little voice' there will be internal struggles on top... self-esteem, self-doubt, lack of conviction. I am quite confident that no-one who turns up on this board and gets an 'LTB' response just goes off and obediently does it.

Maybe talking it through could give you some clarity?

snoopdoggy Sat 06-Dec-14 23:59:18

neechy, i get what you are saying totally. sometimes i think i am paranoid or have made mistakes in past and it's my self preservation voice talking to me. read another poster here and it's screamingly obvious that her o/h is lying. However she chooses to believe him. i'm too afraid of throwing a relationship away or afraid i'm oversensitive on a matter. However, it just doesn't fit well. there are a few inconsistancies in my o/hs story. But then again sometimes I leave out small details as I know he'll focus on them and make them into something they are not. it doesn't mean we don't have an open relationship where we don't tell each other private things. We do. But sometimes little things are best unsaid. But his recent story is a little odd and it's bugging me. We have discussed it a few times and he is sticking tosame story. But my voice is saying, nah something wrong here. i can't get any further tho. so i have to either let it go and keep my antenna up or say no i'm going with voice even tho i haven't got the evidence to prove that your story isn't making sense.

Arven Sun 07-Dec-14 00:05:18

You can see it clearly but it all boils down to believing you're worth more.

For me, I put up with shit for years, and I only left when I knew that whatever came next (poverty, loneliness, uncertainty) none of it could possibly be worse. So it wasn't even believing I was worth more that made me leave, that came later.

I read something once, abuse is not an assault on your intelligence, it's an assault on your emotions.

I don't know if what you're going through is abuse, maybe you're just very incompatible but you only get one life, don't waste it dithering and feeling unhappy.

Arven Sun 07-Dec-14 00:09:43

btw, ego is temporarily inflated isn't it? by drama, excitement, fear, shame, pride, upset, admiration & attention...................... It's not real, it's not your core.

I think the little voice you hear is more likely to be coming from your sense of self-worth. that is your self-esteem poking its head out from under the parapet./ego It hardly dares to. The ego might be putting pressure on the self-esteem to appear normal, appear part of a couple, not to LOOK like a failure (by leaving)

snoopdoggy Sun 07-Dec-14 00:41:38

good points arven,didn't think of it that way. WE are compatible. We have a great closeness for the majority of the time. But i agree with you sometimes my self worth (which is partly my own issues/partly of course how he makes me feel) makes me doubt at times. Sometimes I feel i'm trying to catch him out so that I can't say see. I was right. (past relationship didn't help here)I don't want to but in the past he told a white lie and i haven't really gotten over it. It was irrelevant really to lie about it, but that's what worries me. I'm almost sometimes self destructing a relationship. He has said this to me. I'm working on it. But when he tells me something and it's obviously got holes in the story i wonder.
He gave me his phone to use to make a call because my battery died. A text message came in from a random number/no name attached. I handed him the phone to tell him. but i already had seen the start of the text. 'how is your night going' he said oh yeh i have been getting texts from this number for a while now and it's a woman but I don't know who it is. I have told her to stop. But she randomly texts me. I asked to see it and he had no problem showing me.
I believe all this. but i don't believe a woman would keep contacting without some encouragement. he denies he has encouraged.this is where my little voice is screaming at me.

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