My friend has a fella - I don't like him and I don't hide this from her but don't rub it in either. He's manipulative, condescending, childish, immature, emotionally abusive, plain rude, huge ego, ridicules and puts her down constantly, unsupportive. Whatever is happening in her life gets twisted to be about him. Just a crap person, shitty boyfriend.
He got a incentive/incremental bonus at work. Gift voucher for a certain store. He's giving her this voucher as her xmas gift. She meanwhile is almost broke, upto her eyes in debt - which he is unsupportive of (emotionally speaking) and yet has 'had' to spend actual money on him for xmas to quite a large amount for it to be a 'real present'.
I think this wrong and unfair. I think he's being cheap. Am I wrong to think this way? Genuinely asking as often I feel negative towards him and wonder if I'm predisposed that way now. I know a gift is a gift but does anyone agree? Would you be annoyed/upset/put out if this was you? Thanks
She has completely lost touch. Is complaining constantly about having to cut back on family gifts. IE: reduced niece/nephew gifts to under £10. Value doesn't matter to me, a kid will love something that cost £5 or £50.
Part of the reason she's always broke is this 'keeping up' with him. He earns considerably more. something she (and everyone who will listen) is constantly reminded of. They have been together a while, share a dog etc, yet he is very insistent on50/50 but a this income level not hers. Just wanted some opinions as I think he's acting like a prick and she's running around saying how great he is. He is also giving said card so they can go together and choose stuff - for her- together
Of course he's acting like a prick but if your friend has low self-esteem she may think he's the best she can do... or even that she's punching above her weight. Happens all the time and I expect the aspects you're seeing in public are just the tip of the iceberg. If he puts her down when others are watching, imagine how he feels entitled to behave when no one's around.
I'd suggest that you keep up your friendship on a one-on-one basis only and don't engage with him at all. Meet her for drinks but only if he stays home. If his antics come up in conversation you are entitled to say 'that's all wrong' ... but she's entitled to not listen.
financially i am similar to your friend not that my guy is as horrid as he sounds but massive difference between us in what he earns and my part time earnings, but when i said the other day that i felt a bit guilty that my present to him will be a cheap present and i didnt know what to get him ( he just spent £230 on a coffee machine for himself) do you know what he said you naked with a smile on your face on christmas day will be a good present that is the difference between a good guy and an idiot hopefully your friend will wake up and smell the roses soon and realise that money does not buy happiness
I know how he treats her behind closed doors as she tells me. The things he says to her disgust me. He isn't welcome in my home for those reasons. And I'm aware that if she tells me 'abc' she is probably keeping the far worse 'xyz' to herself. I do worry for her. But this thread was started because we were discussing this 'gift' and I said I thought he was cheap and I would be put out and that he is selfish by belittling her into spending so much on him and she sort of blew up. She had a rant in a defending him way and insisted I was wrong and was saying it as I just don't like him. Accused me of trying to manipulate her.
I apologised and stated I wasn't and we dropped it. There doesn't seem to be any bad blood between us either. I was curious as to whether I really did see it wrong. I feel she is ashamed of how he treats her yet she publicises it.... I won't keep my thoughts to myself but I do usually tred carefully so as not to alienate her as he's clearly abusive and I want to keep her safe.
If you know someone is an arse it tends to colour your opinion of everything they do negatively. If this was a nice man passing on a gift voucher you'd probably think it was a nice gesture. He's not a nice man so it sounds like another example of his emotionally abusive double standards.
I'd give up if I was you, your friend knows you dislike him very much, he will too, their relationship is theirs, what you think of it I think you should keep to yourself, be very careful, you don't want to lose your friend, respect her choices, even if you feverishly disagree.