Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

"Shout at you?? I'll talk how I want and you can take it how you want!"

(50 Posts)
TooSensitive Thu 04-Dec-14 20:27:32

Husband has just aggressively shouted this at me.

He was having a shower and couldn't find his towel. He thought I had given it to my dd but it was scrunched up on a piece of furniture in the bathroom. In the process of working this out he used his shouty voice that I can't stand but that admittedly must be completely normal to him as he is on a short fuse.

I then told him not to shout at me and he responded with the above (title of thread).

Just wondering what you make of it. Am I over sensitive? I felt very upset.

TooSensitive Thu 04-Dec-14 20:30:44

And left the room slamming the door. Surely the onus is on the speaker to be aware of how they come across sometimes and to try to accommodate others' sensitivities?

When I say he shouted aggressively - he would not view it in this way. Definitely wasn't kind however.

Busybusybust Thu 04-Dec-14 20:30:50

He's a twat. How dare he treat you like a servant! There is something very wrong here.

TooSensitive Thu 04-Dec-14 20:32:07

He asked me about his towel because I had just been in the bathroom with dd helping her get out of the bath etc...

BlackDaisies Thu 04-Dec-14 20:39:44

That sounds horrible. You're not being oversensitive. How often is he like that?

AdoraBell Thu 04-Dec-14 20:40:43

I would take it as the end of the relationship if I were in your position.

You say he is on a short fuse. Does that mean that he is frequently aggressive and you just have to put up with it? If so, what is that teaching your DD about adult behaviour and relationships?

You don't need to put up with his attitude or him shouting.

JeanSeberg Thu 04-Dec-14 20:41:08

Is this a new development?

girliefriend Thu 04-Dec-14 20:43:52

I would tell him to fuck right off tbh.

No he can't talk to you how he wants, who the hell does he think he is angry

NC81114 Thu 04-Dec-14 20:45:12

Sometimes people shout but generally not over a towel. I don't think this is your fault somehow.

TooSensitive Thu 04-Dec-14 20:50:09

Thanks. He raises his voice / sounds scornful sometimes when he thinks he is right. I reacted because I knew I was right about the towel and because I didn't like the tone he was using. To me it was an angry voice (rather than actually shouting) which then carried on when he made his comment about speaking how he wants to. Being charitable hmm, he probably doesn't realise how abrasive he can sound at times.

Aaargh why was I even around when he was looking for his damn towel!

AnyFucker Thu 04-Dec-14 20:50:52

If aggressively asked "where is my towel" the answer should be What did your last slave die of" while you carry on with what you are doing/make a cup o tea for yourself/finish reading your book/whatever

I really hope you didn't fetch his towel like a Good Little Woman

AdoraBell Thu 04-Dec-14 20:53:50

Basically he knows better and you need to be spoken to like any other dim/naughty child.

Unless I'm misinterpretating.

TooSensitive Thu 04-Dec-14 20:55:25

I went in to the bathroom to help as he was in the shower and couldn't find it. He didn't believe that the one that was there was the one he had got so I worry that he has dementia. I did then hand this to him. It was in the middle of the caffuffle over whether I had taken his and me saying "no - this is yours".

What a flaming waste of time this all is sad. I just get really upset by his unkind tone sad.

AnyFucker Thu 04-Dec-14 20:56:02

He has you well trained then sad

TooSensitive Thu 04-Dec-14 20:56:32

He definitely has an imperious side to his personality adora.

TooSensitive Thu 04-Dec-14 20:58:07

Well it would have seemed very petty to not hand his towel over the metre it had to be handed over. Asking for help and rude tone happened unexpectedly and simultaneously.

Joysmum Thu 04-Dec-14 21:00:34

To me, it's not about how things are in the heat of the moment, it's more telling to see what happens after when people calm down and you tell them how you felt.

Quitelikely Thu 04-Dec-14 21:05:11

Oh fgs! Can't a marriage not withstand a grumpy man occasionally! Is it not ok every now and then?

Is anything other than perfect abuse hmm

TooSensitive Thu 04-Dec-14 21:16:45

It's the fact that he is grumpy so often and that I feel his rudeness is often uncalled for. No one has said abuse (though I think there are EA elements to his personality).

Quitelikely Thu 04-Dec-14 21:18:39

Perhaps he is unhappy about something or tired?

TooSensitive Thu 04-Dec-14 21:20:38

There is no talking to him afterwards joysmum. He is very defensive so talking in this way is very difficult as be would be scornful all over again.

Anyway my response to his statement that he is going to talk how he wants and I can take it in the way I want to could be "yes I do take it very personally actually - sorry - have a divorce petition" angry

AllMimsyWereTheBorogoves Thu 04-Dec-14 21:23:41

...and perhaps he doesn't see any need to treat his life partner with the respect he probably shows to his friends and to colleagues at work. Why should she have to put up with his grumpiness and rudeness?

OP, is he like this with everyone or just with you? How is he with your daughter?

TooSensitive Thu 04-Dec-14 21:24:33

He is generally unhappy with his work and always tired at the end of the day but I don't see why I have to get it in the neck. He manages to keep it in check as far as the dc are concerned (more or less).

Couldn't he just have said - "sorry, was I shouting? Didn't mean to." And pigs might fly!!

AllMimsyWereTheBorogoves Thu 04-Dec-14 21:27:50

When I've had times like that I've done my level best not to take it out on those I live with. It's not their fault. On the odd occasion I am grumpy I feel terrible about it afterwards and apologise profusely. I don't understand people who can't apologise for upsetting someone they love. It's a sign of immense immaturity as far as I'm concerned.

Joysmum Thu 04-Dec-14 21:28:00

There is no talking to him afterwards joysmum. He is very defensive so talking in this way is very difficult as be would be scornful all over again

In which case id not stand for that. If either one of us aren't happy the other puts themself out to try to help.

I don't mind a bit of shouting, but we do sort things out after. We certainly don't ignore or put our feelings above those of the other.

When a couple don't have their best interests at heart there not a lot left.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now