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struggling with meeting someone

(15 Posts)
albal14 Thu 04-Dec-14 12:21:06

Hi,

New here, I'm a 48 yr old single guy who through circumstances has not fathered.
I've been on Citalopram for a year or so, as it's really getting me down. I've done the internet dating thing- total waste of time, endless messages about what car i drive to how many women you met?
A date would bé nice? But no.
Difficult to meet someone younger to date let alone make babies!
I'm stuck. Thinking of going down the South East Asia route, which may sound desperate . Well I am .
Thought I would post here to get your views?

Much appreciated.

A

DollyRocker1 Thu 04-Dec-14 14:02:44

You don't sound in the best place to be dating. I'm quite enjoying online dating but you just have to see it as a way of meeting new people rather than getting hung up about whether something will come from a date. I have been approached on Match by guys in your age bracket and have declined, but mainly as they have already had children and I'd like my own.

itwillgetbettersoon Thu 04-Dec-14 16:11:04

Regarding online dating have you bothered to actually ask anyone out for a coffee or drink? I've got friends on OD who are mid 30s onwards dating men mid to late 40s so your age isn't a problem. My friends, if they met the right person would have more children. I wouldn't date someone who didn't drive but only because I live outside of a city and you need a car around here.
OD should be seen as a way to meet new people not a marriage bureau. If you go abroad you are unlikey to meet someone truly compatable.

LadyBlaBlah Thu 04-Dec-14 16:37:08

cringe
You sound very negative in your post. Which while may be understandable, it's really off putting for potential partners.

What's wrong with asking if you've met many people od? I might ask it to try and get a picture of whether you were a player or not.

Od is a minefield for women and they need to be careful (unfortunately)
There was a guy who set up a profile as a woman od'ing and was HORRIFIED by what women had to put up with. Google it.
The questions you might be getting asked are just women protecting themselves.

But anyway, you seem to have made your mind up about "all women on dating sites".

loveareadingthanks Thu 04-Dec-14 16:55:24

It also sounds as though you are just looking for an incubator for your babies - if that's how you are coming across to women, they aren't going to be terribly keen on you. The emphasis in your post is quite strange. Not that you are a man who'd love to settle down in a loving relationship and start a family. You are a man who 'hasn't fathered'. Really odd phrasing. Women don't say they haven't mothered, they say they don't have any children. yet.

If this is how you come across, all women are going to run a mile.

I'm sorry to sound harsh but your perspective is getting a bit twisted up. It sounds as though you are desperate to be a Dad. I can understand you feel strongly about that. But it's the same as the women who's biological clocks are ringing the alarms who are desperate to find a man, any man, to father them. It's not attractive to anyone. Apart from, this way round, as you say some poor woman from the developing world who is equally desperate to have a new start in another country; essentially prostitution. Not good.

You don't need to rush. You can father children for a hell of a long time yet. Concentrate on finding your partner/sole mate/lifelong friend and companion/lover etc etc. Don't sell yourself short. If you father children with some random woman out of desperation, you'll only split up and have to go through all the aggro of access/dealing with ex/co-parenting when you may or may not get along.

Jan45 Thu 04-Dec-14 17:01:27

Where does the OP say he wants to father children?

You are experiencing what everyone does on Dating Sites, it takes a while to meet anyone decent.

Be more assertive, say you don't want to get involved in endless chats, if they are local, ask them out! Set a date rather than continual chatting.

FolkGirl Thu 04-Dec-14 17:07:20

Jan45 in his first sentence he says that he has not fathered and that this is through circumstances rather than choice.

He then talks about it being difficult to find someone younger to date, let alone make babies with.

He is implying and, therefore, others are inferring that he would like to father children.

hmm

LurcioAgain Thu 04-Dec-14 17:21:09

This is why OD doesn't work for people in our age group.

I (aged 49) would like someone my age. As far as I can see from the profiles, all the men my age are like you - they would like a woman 15 years younger. The women who are 15 years younger are (not surprisingly, since they are young and attractive and able to be choosy) interested in men their own age. Both you and I are stuffed.

My solution to this is to stay single and get on with enjoying the rest of my life. It's got a lot going for it.

I certainly don't recommend mail-order brides - not only is it simply a form of prostitution and the exploitation of women who are financially desperate, as far as I can see there are also a lot of borderline criminal middle men involved who also exploit the men who sign up to go on tours to meet women - they end up parting with huge amounts of cash and come home as single as when they went.

albal14 Thu 04-Dec-14 17:40:29

Hi,

Thank you very much for the response, it means a lot. I understand I've not worded the contents very well, but essentially I want children. Of course I want a loving relationship to go with it. Who does'nt?

I surely don't think ALL men my age want to date younger women, for example in the last 12 months I fell in love with a 28 yr old and a 67 yr old!,(they never loved me) hey ho! my ex was 8 years my senior, it was horrible leaving her in my quest to find a partner to have children. I would'nt wish that on anyone.

Picture Alan Titchmarsh? Thats my lookalike.

I have asked women who are local to come out for coffee? It works both ways, if you don't take the plunge you will never know. I've spent a lot of money on OD, the free one's are terrible.

Sorry if I come across different, it's just me. smile

VanitasVanitatum Thu 04-Dec-14 17:45:18

I don't think you will find a loving relationship with the 'South East Asia route' - exploitation isn't love.

Just keep sending out messages and arranging meet ups, meet people in real life too, clubs/hobbies/people at work you haven't spoken to before..

DollyRocker1 Thu 04-Dec-14 17:58:54

Can I be nosey and ask how young you mean by younger women? I suspect there are many women in the 40-42 bracket who want a family and would happily date you but you may be passing them over for women in their early-mid 30s who have more options.

HumblePieMonster Thu 04-Dec-14 18:07:00

Advertise.
"Solvent 48 seeks female 33+ for marriage and family."
Expect a deluge of mail.
It would probably work on POF, too.

velvetspoon Thu 04-Dec-14 20:46:24

OD is pretty shit tbh.

I always thought (as a woman who had many awful OD experiences) that it was women who were in the worse position, getting smutty messages, being stood up, men disappearing once a date was arranged, or going on a date and then being dropped like a stone. Interestingly when I met my bf (via OD) his experience was equally bad - he spent months sending hundreds of messages (and not just hi how are you, but something chatty, a few questions etc) and got a handful of replies, about 2 of which got to conversation stage, but not one date. He is very attractive, clever, has a brilliant personality, so it baffles me (although obviously I'm glad they weren't because otherwise we might never have met!) why no women were interested.

I'd suggest shaving a few years off your age, a lot of women only look 5 years above/below. If you want a late 30s woman, you may be outside her age range...in reality people are less worried about age u find but with OD it's all about narrowing your search area etc. Also I'd say keep on with OD but explore other options - meet up groups if they happen in your area, join a sporting club if that's your thing, or something musical or church related, again if that floats your boat. Or something along those lines. There are a lot of late 30s women (I had several friends in this boat a few years ago) who want nothing more than a man who wants children and something long term. Being certain that's what you're looking for, and clear about it, should go very much in your favour.

albal14 Thu 04-Dec-14 20:55:35

Well 'younger' to me means younger than me! I suspect to a lot of other men, may mean 10 yrs younger?
I certainly would'nt pass up on a date with a 42 yr old. I don't work in a female environment, I'm a driver! Virtually nil!.
+ I'm not the best communicator, did you notice?! Pretty shy, tho I have joined a social group of around 100 members but most are near retirement age unfortunately. Thanks again

Rioux Thu 04-Dec-14 21:23:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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