I'm really struggling to write this but I've told no one in RL and I just need someone to tell me they went through something similar and got through it.
Dp and I have been together for 11 years and have one dd (2). Pre-dd it was on the whole a good, supportive, loving relationship. We enjoyed each others company, were affectionate, missed each other if apart and were committed to a future together. Sex wasn't necessarily very frequent after the early years but it was regular, fun, loving and we enjoyed it.
Dp is a kind, considerate, intelligent, patient person and is a great father (if a little indulgent but what dad to a little girl isn't). We respect and care for each other, try to be kind and considerate to each other, generally get on fine (no blazing rows or stony silences on the whole and certainly not in front of dd). I don't doubt that every one of our friends and our families would say we are a content couple.
Now for the down side....since having dd we've drifted further and further apart. We haven't slept in the same room for 18 months. (Dd’s sleep was terrible as a baby so we took turns to do the night shift and I just never moved back to our bedroom). We really struggled when dd was a baby (she didn't sleep night or day, cried a lot, wouldn't go to anyone else etc) and I think we took our stress and exhaustion out on each other. We've come through that, dd is now a fantastic toddler but we've put our relationship on hold for so long I don't know how we get back. I think we’re afraid to talk about things, afraid of making things worse, of saying things that hurt each other or being hurt.
We have no family nearby to help and haven't used a babysitter for dd so have had no time together away from dd. I know we should be having 'date nights' (hate that phrase) but we both work full time and are shattered by 8pm when dd goes to bed and she’s an early riser. Dd gets very unsettled and doesn't sleep if anyone else tries to put her to bed (we tried with MiL).
I feel like I have no right to complain, I'm not in the same boat as many posters, I have financial security independent of dp, he’s a good person and a great dad. I’m really looking for advice from someone who's been in a similar position and has found their way back. I feel we owe it to dd to at least try to fix things.
I keep looking at other couples and wondering if secretly they have similar issues. Sometimes its so isolating to feel your the only one who hasn't been able to cope with the impact of having a child. It makes me feel like a failure.
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How did we get here, how do we get back
17 replies
Webuyanyname · 04/12/2014 08:43
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