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Should I just ask him out or will I make a tit of myself?

(24 Posts)
gablik Thu 04-Dec-14 04:02:35

I am 37 and in march this year I split up from my long term partner (together 16 years, no kids). I do feel ready now to try dating and I have someone in particular I really life a lot. I have known him for about 10 years and always thought he was a really sweet man but only saw him a couple of times a year.

He is the same age as me and hasn't had much success with women, he is a bit shy and he has probably been over looked due to his height (he is 5 foot 6) he is very petite for a man, slender and started to lose his hair when young so I believe he doesn't see himself as attractive or imagine women would like him. I know that he hasn't really ever had a girlfriend and has maybe only ever kissed 2 girls and had a few dates with one of them. I really like him so much, he is a very skilled craftsman, hardworking and an intellligent, open guy who is shy but also very warm. When I saw him last month we spoke for a while and the chemistry I felt was incredible, real heat. I don't know if he liked me he was very focused on me, it was a well lit room and his pupils were dilated to the maximum so I have been hoping that might mean his likes me a bit.

I really want to see him again but there is nothing coming up where I might bump into him in the forseeable future and I am agonising over puting my cards on the table and calling him up. I don't even have his home number only the one for his work and an email address from his linkedin account. Would that be really creepy if I contacted him that way? I am shy myself, and its a risk because I really don't know if is at all interested but if he was I don't think he would ever make the first move.

Should I go for it or find some other way?

TanteRose Thu 04-Dec-14 04:27:32

go for it - just ask if he wants to go for a coffee/drink sometime, seeing as its Christmas and the season of good cheer (good reason to meet rather than at a random time of year)

good luck

claraschu Thu 04-Dec-14 04:46:13

Yes, be brave! If I were going to coax myself to be brave enough to ask someone out, I would invite him for a specific time and have some sort of excuse for asking. For instance I would invent an errand near his workplace which involves waiting around for a few hours on a certain day and ask if he has time for lunch/coffee/drink. Then I would see how he responded (did he jump at the chance, just say he was busy, or say he was busy but falll over himself with regret and try to find another time).

I guess I would be too shy to make it clear that it was me asking him on a date; I would give myself the chance to save face if he turned me down.

claraschu Thu 04-Dec-14 04:47:16

He sounds really nce by the way. I really think you should go for it.

japaneseplum Thu 04-Dec-14 05:17:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

arsenaltilidie Thu 04-Dec-14 05:37:50

Cant you add him on Facebook.
Or email,
hi,
I forgot to get your number here is mine 012345677.
We should go for drinks some time.

Gablik

FWIW its sounds he is interested.

ArthurShappey Thu 04-Dec-14 05:54:43

Of course you should. Go for it.

financialwizard Thu 04-Dec-14 06:20:02

Go for it, the ladies suggestions are good.

Herald Thu 04-Dec-14 08:07:44

A mans view off me , just go for it if he doesn't want to see you then no harm done and you can move on, life is too short to have regrets about whether we should have done things or not.
I have been in a similar situation and always find that instincts are normally correct and it's been fine, keep us posted ��

Somethingtodo Thu 04-Dec-14 08:21:52

Would go for it - but as other say not frame it asa a date - just doing something together/spending time together.

Could he be gay?

wump Thu 04-Dec-14 08:25:19

So hoping for a Christmas love story here, good luck.

Preciousbane Thu 04-Dec-14 08:27:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cric Thu 04-Dec-14 08:28:26

Go for it!!

Isawmommykissingsantaclaus14 Thu 04-Dec-14 08:48:03

Go for it! If he is shy he may just need a bit of a nudge!!grin

GoatsDoRoam Thu 04-Dec-14 09:49:26

Go for it. There is no way on earth that asking for something that you want - to see him - makes you a tit. Even if he says no. On the contrary, asking means you are a woman who knows her mind, and if he says no, that's down to him, and is no reflection on you. You'll feel a lot more strong and confident for having asked, than you do right now wondering "what if...?"

He will say yes, btw.

Somethingtodo Thu 04-Dec-14 12:55:25

No one elses gay-dar beeping?

ROUNDandROUNDINCIRCILESMORETHA Thu 04-Dec-14 13:26:54

I was the only woman who got dhs attention despite the constant chasing. keep peseveering even if first time is a no ;)

beaglesaresweet Thu 04-Dec-14 13:40:59

Somethingtodo, OP did say she felt a lot of chemistry and 'focus' between them, so prob not gay.

Tobyjugg Thu 04-Dec-14 13:46:40

Do it. Contact him by any means you can. Personally, I'd prefer a phone call - even if work No. to an email, but that's down to you. Either he says "yes" so you're home and dry or he says "no" and you can stop flogging a dead horse and move on. Either way, you win something.

Tobyjugg Thu 04-Dec-14 13:47:46

BTW, please let us all know the outcome.

grumpyoldgitagain Thu 04-Dec-14 13:49:21

Go for it, he's probably sat thinking the same about you but is too shy to ask

Somethingtodo Thu 04-Dec-14 17:49:09

never had a girlfriend at 37? despite obvs having a busy long established social life and being v charming -- any number of women would have moved in on this lovely man no matter how shy or slight or bald by now dont you think?....

"his pupils were dilated to the maximum" = poppers??? ;)

dadwood Thu 04-Dec-14 19:09:30

Hi OP

Worried that you might make a tit of myself ?

I think that if you ask somebody out seriously and honestly and reasonably then there is never any shame in that. Even if you are turned down, even if you have misread something, there's no shame in asking. You'll make his day at least! If he is rude for whatever reason then it's him being a tit!

I don't see how you can make a tit of yourself, not from my point of view anyway.

Good luck! smile

HumblePieMonster Thu 04-Dec-14 19:46:30

For goodness sake don't approach him because the way you've described him, there are many, many women who would want him, and you don't want to get crushed in the stampede.

Or, get in there quick before the others have a chance. Good luck!

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