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Is my Mum blackmailing me?

(10 Posts)
toomanybooksnotenoughspace Wed 03-Dec-14 22:47:09

I have been NC with both my parents for over a year. They were/are both horrible, toxic nasty bullies and my life is much better without them.

I have absolutely no desire to see either of them. However a couple of years ago I gave my mum £2000 and recently I have decided that it is time that I get this back. I also want to sort it out in terms of tying up lose ends etc and TBH I could really do with the money. I texted her about it (couldn't face speaking to her) asking if she could give it back (I know that she has it) and she is now saying that she wants to meet up to discuss it. I don't really think there is anything I want to discuss with her, I just want my money back which she knows is mine.

Is this blackmail?

YouAreMyRain Wed 03-Dec-14 23:05:16

Well done for going NC. She probably wants to get into your head and resume contact/control, she could be angry and nasty or crying and self centred if you meet. Can't she do a bank transfer? Ask her to email you with what she wants to say (set up an account just for this so you can delete it and go NC again) I would suggest taking a friend with you if you do decide to meet and make it clear that you are only meeting her for her to hand over the money.

WitchesGlove Wed 03-Dec-14 23:08:57

Did she verbally or in writing agree to give it back? If not, then there may not be much you can do unfortunately.
What did she want the money for?

Whocansay Thu 04-Dec-14 07:28:12

There is nothing to discuss. She needs to send you a cheque or you can go to the small claims court to get it back. I wouldn't meet with her.

Do you have proof?

CogitOIOIO Thu 04-Dec-14 09:50:22

You went NC with a £2000 gift/loan outstanding?..... Big mistake! Unless you have it documented somewhere that this was a loan and she agreed to pay it back you've got no chance. Meanwhile, what you've given her is a way to go full-on 'C' ad infinitum. Not blackmail so much as a chink in your armour.

Vitalstatistix Thu 04-Dec-14 09:53:10

Do you have evidence that she was to pay it back? If you do, then you can just pursue it legally. If you don't then you're probably screwed. If the price to pay for a chance of getting that £2000 back is to have to go back to square one with your mother, I guess you have to decide if it's worth it or not.

castlesintheair Thu 04-Dec-14 10:01:19

Agree with pp, you have to decide what is more important: getting the money back or maintaining NC status. When I went NC with my mother I gave up a lot materially and continue to do so now and in the future. For me it is an easy sacrifice.

rjay123 Thu 04-Dec-14 11:10:11

Going the legal route could be lengthy, stressful and costly.

Personally, I'd meet her, get the money, then return to NC.

Nomama Thu 04-Dec-14 12:52:06

Play the game and, as rjay said, meet her somewhere neutral, smile, arrange repayment, collect payment, leave, resume NC.

If she is trying to get into your head, just laugh and tell her you don't want to talk just to collect what she owes you! Or leave with one loud sentence, "The lengths you will go to avoid repaying a debt are disgusting" - resume NC.

I did both with SIL many years ago. She started on the emotional blackmail and I just laughed... "Oh SIL, I really don't care, I just want the money you owe me". She started crying, loudly, in a coffee shop, so I switched to the latter and she stopped crying and told me to fuck off! A few people round the room spluttered coffee...

... no, I didn't collect the money, but I do have fond memories of leaving her sat there, with lots of other people staring at her in disbelief!

JenniferGovernment Thu 04-Dec-14 20:12:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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