My head is so mixed up right now... I think my marriage is dead in the water but don't think I can face the facts.
We have 1 child, I work and cover all bills, house etc, my H does not work, he can but doesn't. I think I have become resentful but most of all just so tired of it all. I find myself snappy, gurny and just so unhappy, like carrying huge weights when I am getting about.. but im scared at the same time, im scared of hurting him.. i realised today I go out of my way to keep others pleased rather than me.
Sorry I just needed to get all this down as I don't talk to anyone about it, my life probably looks cosy from the outside.
He just chooses not too, he always claims he is looking but he isn't..
I want to leave I think, I think I would be a better, happier person apart from him, and our lifestyles as in both of us would be better. In a lot of ways I have grown up and apart from him, just feels so sad, but in my heart I know it is done.
So what will your first steps be? I'm in a similar predicament myself OH works but only because I found him a job, pretty embarrassing isn't it How old is your child have you thought about where you will live, childcare etc?
I would hope to live in the house we are in, it is in joint names but I have paid solely from my bank account for the past 10 yrs, our child is 6, which worries me as I don't know how she will cope. I will not need child care as I have family close by, but I do worry about custody etc and have no idea how that works.
It is very embarrassing and can almost be like having another child to look after x
In that case I'm afraid, using the inimitable language of mn, you are married to a cockwomble. Time to put a few (!) ulimatums that you are willing to follow through on , on the table, if you want things to change. If not , then a 30 minute freebie with a lawyer just to see where you stand. If you do decide to divorce there is nothing to stop you doing it yourself. I did it without too much problem, even though o.h refused to move out and I had to get an occupation order. Lots of form filling but certainly not rocket science !
Why do I read on so many threads that men are not working? Yes I have an ex like this too. They are perfectly fit and healthy but lazy and entitled. They should be ashamed of themselves. You will just resent him more and more if this relationship continues.
You and your child deserve better than this. Think about the example you are setting (working mother AND covering all the bills) and think of the example he is setting. It's embarrassing. I wish Id ended it with my ex when he ended up unemployed and sat around for 6 months talking about how too good he was for any jobs that were going. But didnt apply for any of the better ones. Argh. Can you see this situation improving? In what ways are you happy?
Do get legal advice. As you are married there are certain rules and conventions, not least about property. Unless you owned it prior to the marriage or there was some other documented agreement about ownership you'll probably find it is regarded as a 'marital asset' whether he has contributed financially or not.
You'll find there is less concern about 'custody' and more about finding ways to achieve a shared parenting arrangement that works for the pair of you and also your DD. What affects DCs most is when parents are warring, resentful or unhappy. If you can be civil and cooperative it doesn't matter so much if you live in two places or one
I think he must know how hacked off I am. I have to loan/give him money for things but im struggling as the prices off things are rising to do it all. I have been with him 14 yrs, he has never had a steady job, I always have, mu mum says he is walking all over me!!
When I ask my little one what she wants to do when shes older she sometimes tells me nothing!! I don't want her to think its normal.