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Talking about emotions with DP

(7 Posts)
Neechy Tue 02-Dec-14 11:48:21

My DP is/was generally very attentive, but I felt a change in his attitude recently, about August time, which was also our anniversary of our first date. The whole anniversary thing was an anti climax for me, he wasn't particularly lovey dovey or even got me a bunch of supermarket flowers. Where as the first 9 months together he was always declaring how happy he was, how I was the one etc

I found out snooped and found out he'd been flirty with one of his female friends via text message, I told him I didn't like the nature of the text although it wasn't that bad it still pissed me off and also that I have had a "gut feeling" about this woman for the duration of the time we've been together. He brushed my concerns aside, neither acknowledging that my feelings were hurt or showing any remorse. Fast forward until now and it bubbled to the surface on Thursday during a conversation and I made a snide remark about where she worked and he smirked at me - I read his face as having an "i'm the lad" look on it and just told him to go if he was going to make a fool of me. It escalated in to a full blown tit for tat row which almost ended in me apologising - hmmm.. Anyway we ended up no contact almost all weekend apart from me sending him an email spilling out my heart. He replied saying he loved me etc and we met on Monday face to face, he never even mentioned anything in the email, my hope and fears that I'd shared with him and it really hurt that he just thought that it everything sorted and back to business as usual.

I mentioned some of the email and he just brushed it all under the carpet as usual. I feel like an angst ridden teenager right now, am I being childish wanting to talk about things?

I was so confident when I met him, I'd had 18 months alone with my DD after my last relationship and really felt ready to let someone into my life. Now I just feel doubtful and wondering if I am good enough and the crap that comes with a self confidence knock.

BertieBotts Tue 02-Dec-14 12:05:34

No I think your instincts are spot on. You need to talk about this if you can move on from it - his reluctance and avoidance are speaking volumes.

It's not you, honestly. He sounds like a bit of a joker.

antimatter Tue 02-Dec-14 12:08:42

There's something wrong with a relationship during which you feel you are losing self confidence.

dreamingbohemian Tue 02-Dec-14 12:19:55

Well this is why they usually say not to move in with or marry someone until at least a year, because you need to see how things are when the honeymoon period is over. So at least be glad you don't live together yet.

Maybe your instincts are right but it's also possible you're overreacting a bit. You say his feelings cooled around the one year mark, but was it really cooling or just shifting in a normal state of affairs? you can't maintain that initial intensity forever.

A lot of people say if you're at the point where you have to snoop, your relationship is doomed anyway, and I kind of agree.

Otherwise it doesn't sound like he's done that much, sent a maybe flirty text and gave you a smirk? And you are getting really upset and feeling like you have no confidence in yourself.

So regardless of whether he's doing anything wrong or not, it sounds like the relationship has serious troubles anyway. Yes he should discuss things but if he feels you're being over dramatic he may not want to. So think about whether this is really working out for you.

TheLittleOneSaidRollOver Tue 02-Dec-14 12:24:05

Yes you are being childish wanting to talk things through. But not for the reasons you think.

He is ignoring your feelings. he is probably chatting up other women, he doesn't care if you feel hurt. He does not deserve you. You deserve better.

Don't be childish, desperate to be told you are wanted and loved. You are an adult. Ditch him. He has behaved more than badly enough to be dumped without ceremony.

Regain your self confidence by chucking him now on your terms instead of waiting for him to dump (on) you.

Tobyjugg Tue 02-Dec-14 13:48:47

What The LittleOne said.

Neechy Tue 02-Dec-14 22:47:24

Thanks for the replies. I don't know is he emotionally stunted or something. It was full on talking about the future, wanting me to move in etc I told him I wanted to take it a bit slow for the time being as we both have a child from previous relationships and we had to be sure. This was all when it was way to soon to even consider and now even though he tells me loves me I'm just not feeling it and my gut instinct is telling me to run. He says he was leaving the ball in my court re the moving in together and trying not to pressure me and that I am being over sensitive and reading too much into things. Maybe we are both right and wrong at the same time...

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