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Book recommendation for my friend

(5 Posts)
debka Mon 01-Dec-14 21:29:14

I have a lovely friend. She is a wonderful, smart, professional woman, but really struggles with self esteem and self worth issues. Her marriage is far from perfect, but she is unwilling or unable to address it- partly I think because of these issues she has.

I want to buy her a book which will inspire and empower her. I would really like to buy her a book which will make her realise her husband is an EA twat and help her to leave him, but she would be hurt and wouldn't read it! But if I can give her a book which teaches her to value herself more it would certainly help.

Any suggestions please would be very welcome.

SelfLoathing Mon 01-Dec-14 21:44:07

Well it depends how abusive he is. I would recommend the following - they are works of fiction but feature abusive partners. They are all good reads, page turning in fact, but may help your friend because they are more indirect way of making the point. I was in an EA relationship and they spoke volumes to me:

Into the Darkest Corner, Elizabeth Haynes

Sleep Tight, Rachel Abbott

The Accident by CL Taylor

If you want to choose just one, the Elizabeth Haynes one is the best by a long way. Separately, I'd recommend them all to anyone just as works of fiction - all cracking good reads. The CL Taylor is probably the weakest in terms of writing quality and plot points but still pretty gripping.

Maybe have a look at them first and see if its the kind of EA abuse your friend is suffering.

debka Mon 01-Dec-14 21:53:06

Thank you selfloathing, I wasn't thinking of fiction, I had more of a self-help kind of book in mind, but that is a brilliant idea.

SelfLoathing Mon 01-Dec-14 22:36:42

Yes Debka- I realised you meant self-help but thought fiction could be a collateral attack.

Ultimately though it depends on her partner and the nature of his EA as to whether any of those books strike a chord with her. So you may want to check them out first.

CogitOIOIO Tue 02-Dec-14 09:28:15

I think you're barking up the wrong tree, sorry. Someone with low confidence who believes that their situation is manageable or that they have no choices will not be receptive to self-help or other books. Even if they read it they will conclude 'that person's experience is nothing like mine' or 'that isn't applicable to my situation'. Even if they identify with the message in the book, they will not have the confidence to make the necessary change. You can open the cage door and switch on the lights but you can't make someone walk through it.

If that was my friend the book I'd present them with would be a brochure offering independent travel.... and the suggestion that we go together. Because I believe what women like this often need in order to break the spell is physical distance. Time to themselves with people who are nothing like their controlling partner.

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