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What do I do with this info

(10 Posts)
Chefpepperjack Mon 01-Dec-14 18:54:04

My stbxh bleats on about spending quality time with his son, but just about has enough patience to spend an hour with him.
The most he can do is take him to the movies, he does nothing that requires an effort. Nothing practical, physical.
He never sees him during the week, makes a huge deal about kissing him goodnight though.
He sleeps a lot over weekend, getting up at midday- and has no desire to do anything except maybe eat.
So, he's always moaning about quality time, but never actually does anything about it. This weekend we had a showdown about 'his son' because my sister was here and she obviously wanted to spend time with ds. All for show. He does whatever he wants for himself.

So, I discovered that on one of his precious weekends, instead of going to a rugby game like he told me, he had a romantic weekend away with OW, who he has consistently lied about. Abroad, on a plane!
So his son was so important to him that he arranged a weekend away, coming in at 8pm on Sunday night, so just as ds was going to bed.

I want to call him on it, I'm sick of him whingeing on about how he just wants to spend time with him.
But I also want a quiet life, and detach as much as possible
Do I just file it away for future ammo?
He's still living at home btw, hopefully sorted by NY

FelicityGubbins Mon 01-Dec-14 18:58:20

I'd go apeshit and lay into him about it, I would also seriously reconsider your son staying with him, he sounds utterly shite and if you wouldn't send your child to a childminder or other care provider that was like that, then why would you send your child to a "parent" like that...

OnlyWantsOne Mon 01-Dec-14 18:58:23

Rise above it all

Keep a diary

Maintain polite and formal relationship

Do no engage with fuckwittery and ensure your child's needs are met.

Quitelikely Mon 01-Dec-14 18:59:34

I read you post and wondered why on earth you were having so much contact and I see you are living together.

IMO you are just wasting your breath, he is never going to be the father you want him to be because he is who he is.

Get contact days and time set in stone then just back off and leave him to it. Anything else is a waste of your time and energy.

IMHO I think you're still caught up in it all because he is under the same roof. Once he has gone life will be easier.

tippytap Mon 01-Dec-14 19:06:13

Hi Only

Why keep a diary though? What's the point?

OnlyWantsOne Mon 01-Dec-14 19:53:36

Keeping a diary - it helps you vent it all out in a factual manner.

X agreed to having child on said day. Actually Xyz happened on Y day.

Then you close it up and move on.

susiella Mon 01-Dec-14 19:57:30

OW sounds like a charmer. Going on holiday with a man who still lives with his wife & child. Not helpful, I know OP. Just an observation.

Chefpepperjack Mon 01-Dec-14 20:38:34

Yeah, but who knows what he's told her?

something2say Mon 01-Dec-14 23:52:51

Felicity you'd not get away with that attitude in court. This is nowhere near enough to justify cutting contact. Op, turn the other cheek. He is no longer your mob to be embarrassed of. But yes, you had your child with him so your child now has to put up with him....

Chefpepperjack Tue 02-Dec-14 09:49:18

But it could help to build a picture of him

Like when he was so hungover he couldn't take ds to rugby and instead stayed in bed texting a stripper whose number he got the night before
Or when he chose to go out on a date( from a dating site) after I'd just told him that ds has chickenpox

Those type of things!

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