Should I tell him?

[MissKittyFantastico]

I'm just back from DDs parents evening.

[MissKittyFantastico]

Sorry.

In her literacy book she had to write a paragraph on each of her family members.

Mine was lovely, lots written, very descriptive.
Her sisters was good, and very positive.
DHs said "My dad is mean. He has brown eyes and brown hair" and that was it.

Should I tell him? I doubt he'll ever see it, and it will probably just cause arguements/sulking (from him)

He's not abusive or anything, but he does tease her a lot, and is generally grumpy.

[BeeRayKay]

Firstly you talk to your DD. Ask her how she feels and why she wrote it. And second ly yes you do tell him.

[Cabrinha]

He teases her, she finds him mean, is grumpy, argumentative, sulky and doesn't care about her enough to ask about parents evening.

Not abusive?

Why are you with him? Doesn't sound a bundle of laughs for you or your daughter. What happens when you tell him to stop teasing her?

[Tobyjugg]

Sounds like a typical father/daughter relationship to me.

[Tobyjugg]

Oh yes, of course you show it to him.

[26Point2Miles]

No don't tell him

Show him

Might have some impact

[MissKittyFantastico]

Oh I don't know.

If I tell him (can't show him, it's a school book) then he will be hurt, then annoyed. He'll probably go off in a huff, then he'll sulk with her and be PA, then he will be all "I don't know why I bother, nothing I ever do is good enough" and it could last a few days.

He's alright day to day, but can be crappy. I just 'manage' him and the household is generally peaceful.

There's no downside to not telling him, there is if I tell him. But maybe it should be said?

[handfulofcottonbuds]

I'm not sure you should be worrying how it will impact him - more how it is impacting your DD.

He should know and be grown up enough to want to do something about how she views him.

As a parent, I would want to know.

[EdmondDantes]

Tobyjugg - do you want to make any more sweeping generalisations.

You should show him and then maybe ask your husband to ask her how does she feel when he talks to her? What she would like him to do more of? How she would like to be talked to?

[EdmondDantes]

There's no downside to not telling him, there is if I tell him. But maybe it should be said?

There is a massive one. Your daughter never gets to have a positive relationship with her father. This will only get worse as they become older (teenager). They need to have a good relationship as a base.

[40somethingwonderful]

I'm not sure you should be worrying how it will impact him - more how it is impacting your DD.



This

You definitely need to speak to your DD & DH

[EhricLovesTheBhrothers]

He's alright day to day, but can be crappy. I just 'manage' him and the household is generally peaceful

This is really shit, and of course the children will pick up on it. They will hate him when they grow up, and probably have low self esteem due to their dad treating them like annoyances who never do anything right.

[Howmylifeschanged]

I'm shocked you're worried about how he will react. You need to focus on your DD

[MissKittyFantastico]

Projection there Ehric? That's not how DH acts towards her.

DD is fine as far as I can tell. She doesn't really do much with DH, but does loads with me. She isn't scared of him, but does roll her eyes at him if he is moody (which admittedly is quite a lot). I wouldn't say they had a bad relationship, but it isn't a close one, no. I was similar with my dad I supoose (v traditional upbringing, dad at work, mum at home type thing) and it was only when I grew up that we got closer.

He isnt a great dad (or husband), but he's not a bad one.

I don't like the teasing, and I do pull him up for it - he does it to both girls and I quickly step in. The eldest gives it back sometimes, but then he complains and sulks when I point out it's just learned behaviour.

[LumpySpacedPrincess]

Rubbish example for your girls. Just don't be too surprised when they end up in relationships with idiots they they have to "Manage"

[TheMuppetsSingChristmas]

Don't you want a great dad for your daughter? Doesn't she deserve a great dad? I find your last post so terribly sad on her behalf. She's worth so much more than that and you seem entirely ignorant of how poorly you are both treating her. You need to take some resposibility, grasp the nettle, and sort this out together.

[Tobyjugg]

Tobyjugg - do you want to make any more sweeping generalisations.

Not just now, thanks. I stand by my second post though. Tell him.

[Itsfab]

Terrible father you have for your children. You have to manage him. Your small daughter feels so strongly about him she writes about him in school and you are in denial about the impact it can have on a child when they know their father hasn't all the love and time in the world for them.

[HumblePieMonster]

if he's so mean, won't he hold it against your daughter forever and be even more spiteful to her?

why does she have to live with a man who is mean to her? when I was a child in the 1960s, we had to put up with that stuff. my dad was a mocking, insensitive, cold, selfish bastard and a bully.(now, he loves to see me because I'm his only daily visitor). people have higher expectations today. why are children still living with this? I suppose you could say 'why do I still see my dad' - I put that down to me being a good person, even if he wasn't. he's improved a lot over the years, but I remember.

[MissKittyFantastico]

Ok Muppets, how? It would be useful to know what you think would help.

ItsFab, it was a school assignment, so she had to write about him. You make it sound as if she was randomly telling teachers about him. What do you mean by 'not having all the love and time in the world'?

[handfulofcottonbuds]

misskitty - I'm not sure if you posted on here for advice or to defend your DH.

If you wanted advice, the general consensus is you should speak to your DH. Has he not asked how parent's evening went?

If you feel this is normal behaviour to 'manage' a cranky husband and father then I'm not sure what you wanted from this thread.

[Itsfab]

Yes, she had to write about her father and she wrote he was "mean." I would be devastated if my child had written that. Not sulking and making my child feel crap.

You said he has no time for his kids and he certainly doesn't show her love as he doesn't do much with her.

[handfulofcottonbuds]

I would agree then that you speak to DD and maybe ask her what she would like to change rather than speak to your DH at this point.

I'm sure you're very proud of her!

[Windywinston]

Your husband sounds like a petulant child.

Life in your house sounds bearable because you "manage" him. That doesn't sound very healthy and now you're seeing evidence that it's affecting your children. The downside to not telling him is that things never get better, don't you want your husband to see how his behaviour affects your kids?

Tell him.