Please help me work out what to do with this Xmas dilemma.
My 16 yr old SD moved out of her mums home back in September and in with her boyfriend in a shared house with all friends/artist types etc (I am also an arty type so not a dismissal)
The problem I have is that the â??boyfriendâ?? is 27 years old. She met with the group when she was 15 and doing her GCSEâ??s.
Neither her mum or her dad (my DH) were thrilled about this â?? but her mum is friends with his mum which makes it â??okâ??.
She flunked her GCSES for several reasons despite her teachers anticipating Aâ??s etc. but I donâ??t think that hanging out with a new exciting older group of people could have helped.
I just feel really uneasy about this 27 year who I admit I have not met â?? but my mind is just jumping to phrases like â??predatory paedophileâ??, â??groomingâ?? or at the least â??stupid immature fuckwit who should have backed off and stayed away from a 15 year old girl
No matter how he felt about herâ??.
Apparently he comes across as being about 19 rather than 27 â?? but this doesnâ??t change the facts for me.
She is now living with him â?? and by accounts from DH â?? is spending weekends helping him with his â??workâ?? etc when she should be trying to get back on form doing her 2 A-levels â?? not the 3-4 she could be capable of.
This man has done his schooling, his degree, finding out who he is and what he wants to do â?? but I just feel this set up is stifling her finding out what she could be achieving by herself and she will get wrapped up in his life and not achieve her own goals.
She is very attractive, a talented dancer and artist, and when I saw her recently she looked unwashed, unkempt, wearing an old purple coat of her mums. Its like she was trying to disappear.
SD is hoping to come to us for Christmas day (totally fine and good) â?? but she wants to bring BF and I really donâ??t want him to come for the following reasons
- I have not met him
- He has not been invited
- Her Nanna is mortified by it and would be uncomfortable with him being there
- I want to grill the fuck out of him about what the fuck he is intending and what the fuck a 27 year old man is doing with a 16 year old child.
- I will be stressed enough with 2 young kids 2 and 5, 2 mothers and cooking for all
- I have a shit relationship with SD
- DH is afraid of losing DD
- I am worried I will be charmed by him and my gut instinct will fail and I will be â??ok thenâ??
- I am not her mother so it is none of my business but I donâ??t want to give the message â??its okâ??
10. If in ten years she comes back with â??why did you let me go with himâ?? I want to be able to stand and say â?? I did notâ??
11. If in ten years they are still together and happy then I will be happy for her â?? so long as she hasnâ??t lost herself along the way (as mentioned above)
Do I just suck it up and go with it no matter how much my skin crawls, or make a stand and say no to BF?
I know this will lead to a massive row with DH but I just need some advice, mental back up before I raise it as something I am extremely uncomfortable with.