Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Inexperienced at sex - help please?

(32 Posts)
AlsoaSpaceCadet Mon 01-Dec-14 14:59:41

I have split up from my STBEH and recently started flirting with a man I have known for a little while. We haven't even got to snogging stage yet, but I'm anticipating it will fairly soon. Really have got the hots for him...

However... My long (and often unhappy) marriage was also accompanied by extremely unadventurous basic / Victorian-style sex. Basically very little foreplay followed by missionary position and occasionally me forcibly rolling over and going on top out of sheer frustration. He never got involved in oral sex - said he hated it, ditto hand jobs etc. Orgasms were rare and only ever really controlled by me (on top) not by anything he was doing.

I am now concerned about my lack of sexual experience and nervous about my new man and what to do when the time comes. I could do with some advice and suggestions of sources of info that won't result in my PC getting vast amounts of porn spam from Googling.


DayLillie Mon 01-Dec-14 15:05:33

CogitOIOIO Mon 01-Dec-14 15:09:42

The beauty of a new relationship is getting to know someone. Includes sexually as well as everything else. Your experience of sex so far was not spoiled by your lack of adventure or sensuality but by a lazy, inconsiderate lover. Someone new who is attentive and caring should bring different ideas with them. All you have to decide is whether you say 'yes please' or 'no thank you'. There's no obligation to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.

jakesmith Mon 01-Dec-14 15:10:51

Got to be the most misleading thread title I've seen for a while!

BertieBotts Mon 01-Dec-14 15:13:59

Just tell him you want to go slowly, and yes, talk to him about whether it feels good or not right from the start.

Timetoask Mon 01-Dec-14 15:14:02

I'm not sure how anyone can give you a masterclass on this subject here...
just go with the flow.

SuperFlyHigh Mon 01-Dec-14 15:17:40

OK - I'd find articles (Cosmo etc) on various foreplay methods etc and watch and learn. Ignore anything porn based.

You can easily find articles with pics of positions, clitoral/vagina and penis diagrams.

If you're that fussed about your PC just get a book on Amazon and then practice.

Anything you're not confident with tell your new man... anything you don't want to do or want to try tell him too.

Ann Summers etc is surprisingly good for vibrators, stuff for adding a bit of fun to your sex life and they're great in there and give advice on what they sell.

You also need to find out what you like. At one point I hated giving hand jobs and going on top - until I realised how I/he liked it, what to do for both of us to give pleasure etc.

SuperFlyHigh Mon 01-Dec-14 15:18:20

Timetoask - yeah we can't give masterclasses but I will say practice makes perfect

Joysmum Mon 01-Dec-14 15:19:17

Personally, I'd just explain to your new chap and say you'd like him to be vocal about what he is enjoying and help you by asking for some of the things he'd enjoy.

Tbh, I think you're going to have far more fun finding out what YOU like and you'll need to find your voice to say 'a little to the left' or 'gentler please' or 'nope, not for me' wink

AlsoaSpaceCadet Mon 01-Dec-14 15:21:38

Jakesmith - why?

piggychops Mon 01-Dec-14 15:24:19

Just be completely honest about your previous relationship

rb32 Mon 01-Dec-14 15:27:23

Not worrying about it is probably the best and possibly only thing you can do until the time comes! If he's a nice guy he'll understand and hopefully lead the way. We've all had to start somewhere, just don't do anything you don't want to!

AlsoaSpaceCadet Mon 01-Dec-14 15:29:18

I like the idea of a book - I'm not very confident with terminology. Can anyone recommend a good book?

AlsoaSpaceCadet Mon 01-Dec-14 15:32:41

Piggychops - yes - I'm sort of hoping he will find it an interesting challenge!

coyly bats eyelashes and says: "Teach me please"

BJs are my biggest worry. Only did it once as a teenager. Disgusting other teenager and awful experience. Not a clue how you go about it...

gottafindaman4yagirl Mon 01-Dec-14 15:36:03

Also My only experience was with my EXH and he didn't even kiss with tongues so I was nervous about kissing.
I got a good book from Amazon called How to blow his mind in bed, Its got loads of straight up advice on everything you could get up to in bed.
I had a short thing with a guy and got my sexual confidence back, but his sexual style was not for me.
When you get in the moment you might surprise yourself and him.

gottafindaman4yagirl Mon 01-Dec-14 15:37:57

The book I recommend gives loads of advice on BJs.

worldgonecrazy Mon 01-Dec-14 15:41:07

The biggest turn on for a man is to know that he is pleasing the woman. It may sound selfish, but if you put your needs first, he will get incredibly turned on by it. I suspect it's a male ego thing and one of the greatest pleasures of sex.

AlsoaSpaceCadet Mon 01-Dec-14 15:47:54

DayLillie - fantastic link! Thank you

DayLillie Mon 01-Dec-14 15:59:18

It doesn't tell you how to do BJ - just to learn from what you like. I prefer make it up as you go along to 'how to' grin

bonkersLFDT20 Mon 01-Dec-14 16:04:49

I think the greatest honour you could give your new man is to be really honest with him. Not give him actual precise details, but enough so he knows to be gentle with you, to keep talking and to really involve you in everything.

Trust me, if he's a lovely man then he'll gain so much pleasure (in all ways) in knowing he's helping you find joy in your new sex life.

There's no shame in your past.

fairylightsintheloft Mon 01-Dec-14 16:17:31

I've been told I'm pretty good at BJs. PM if you like and I'll go into detail - this thread seems unusually prim for MN - no-one's gone explicit (yet) wink

In general terms though, you see reasonably confident in the sense that you would go on top and control things to achieve orgasm so I think you may well find it all just falls into place.

SuperFlyHigh Mon 01-Dec-14 16:26:21

I was told that to give a good BJ you should treat it like a lolly - lots of tongue action licking round certain areas etc... and don't ignore other bits, eg lick up and down shaft etc...

if you want to make it more exciting incorporate ice cubes (I wouldn't tho) and if you want to give porn star treatment then red lipstick and looking into his eyes when you do BJ...

AlsoaSpaceCadet Mon 01-Dec-14 16:40:47

I am also a bit stressed about my saggy tummy. 2 x C Sections and recent weight loss have not been kind :-( I can tuck it into away my knickers, but worry about it flapping about when they are off! He's a Dad of 2 though so this shouldn't be a surprise. Any tips on this aspect? I'm planning on wearing big sexy pants as anything brief just draws attention to it.

Agree this thread IS unusually prim. Ho Hum...

DayLillie Mon 01-Dec-14 16:59:25

Ah yes, the excess skin..........Never leave the light on if you are on your hands and knees........Hopefully, he (and you) will be enjoying himself too much to care grin

bonkersLFDT20 Mon 01-Dec-14 17:16:49

Paa to the saggy skin. I've got it and it looks so loose when I'm on top, but I've had 2 kids, am tall and slim and run a lot. It's the badge of motherhood.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: