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help my friend going through a messy divorce

(10 Posts)
joshandjamie Mon 01-Dec-14 10:19:40

my friend is getting divorced from the world's biggest cock. he spent the last 18 months of their marriage having an affair. They are both still living on the same property but in different places (one in the house, one in a granny annexe).

They are going through the legal bits and pieces at the moment but as of this morning, he is refusing to give her any money to live on. They have one child together. He says he won't give her money until she agrees to put the house on the market and cap her lawyers fees.

She has left a message for her lawyer but is waiting to hear from him. Does anyone know what she can do in the short term to get cash? Is she legally allowed to sell assets within the house (e.g. paintings etc). I should point out that the husband is loaded (takes the OW away to five star hotels all the time) and my friend hasn't worked as she has be a SAHM.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 01-Dec-14 10:36:40

What a horrible man blackmailing her in that way. I'd suggest that, as well as putting a rocket up her rather lethargic-sounding lawyer, she might want to give Womens Aid a call. Financial abuse is a form of DV and it needs to go on record. She may want to consider going into a refuge rather than submitting to more abuse. In the meantime, I suppose she doesn't have access to credit cards or bank accounts?

joshandjamie Mon 01-Dec-14 10:41:21

i think she'd be really reluctant to go to Women's Aid / shelter. I have offered her my home over Christmas as we are away. But she doesn't have other bank accounts/savings. Not sure about credit cards. Her lawyer is good (but very expensive). He will come back to her but I wanted to give her some reassurance about what she can do now. He is even refusing to give her money to buy any Christmas presents for her son while he lavishes ipads, the latest iphones etc on him. She is not from the UK and has no family to turn to here.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 01-Dec-14 10:51:46

Are you saying she hasn't even the money to feed her child? If so, that would be classed not only as financial abuse but also child neglect. The police or SS would then be pretty interested. If she doesn't already qualify for Legal Aid, this kind of information can be significant.

Does he have family? Do they know that he is subjecting his wife and child to this kind of treatment?

Shelter often sounds like a grim prospect but the positives would be that she and her DC would be out of his malign influence, she'd be able to apply for benefits and it would not affect her claim on the marital assets or for child/spousal maintenance.

A man this cruel is not just a cock btw. I'd be very surprised if the abuse wasn't more than financial.

joshandjamie Mon 01-Dec-14 10:58:33

He provides for his child - I don't think he'd let the child go without. They live in a huge house but he is not giving her any disposable cash for day to day things. For example he refuses to give her money to buy her child Xmas presents but he lavishes the child in gifts. She needs to pay for things like physio or petrol, and she can't. He is being intentionally cruel as he knows she has no means of supporting herself. He is trying to force her hand and make her roll over. We are trying to help her figure out how to get cash in the short term. IN the end, he will get the full weight of the law because his behaviour is beyond unacceptable, but for now, we need to know if she is legally allowed to sell assets from within the marital home to give her cash. She wants to stay entirely above board so that when this goes to court he doesn't have a leg to bloody stand on

MegaClutterSlut Mon 01-Dec-14 15:24:30

As far as I'm aware she is able to sell her own belongings but nothing that is jointly owned or his as he can demand the money back for the items

cavkc Mon 01-Dec-14 15:32:52

Is her car in her name? If so and presumably it isn't a banger, she could sell it, buy a small cheap car and use the balance for living expenses.

WellWhoKnew Mon 01-Dec-14 21:04:36

As long as he earns a reasonable amount (say 4K pm), she can take him to court for "Interim Periodical Payments".

If you use a solicitor/barrister for this it will cost around 3K in costs and take (depending on where you live) between three to six weeks to get a court listing, but can be quicker - so she could perhaps rely on credit cards/short term bank loan til then ("Novitas" loans are your friend...)

Another requirement is that a divorce petition must be filed (essential).

She cannot sell capital assets to raise revenue (it does not look good to a judge - I have to give all my sales to my solicitor for 'safekeeping'). So be very careful here.

Her STBXH sounds exactly like my STBXH - who incidentally was a 'tad unreasonable' in the early stages of the divorce and tried to persuade me to live on a 1/4 of my monthly outgoings subject to a weekly spending review.

Sadly, despite winning significantly more generous IPP (or Spousal Maintanence) he has now become very unreasonable - so it's a bit of a double-edged sword!

Judge didn't exactly call him an arse, but certainly made him feel like one.

Hope this helps.

joshandjamie Tue 02-Dec-14 06:30:49

Thanks all especially well whoopee, very useful

joshandjamie Tue 02-Dec-14 06:31:31

That should be wellwhoknew not well whoopee (damn you autocorrect)

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