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DH always unhappy

6 replies

Firsttimemum84 · 01/12/2014 07:12

Hi more of a lurker than a poster and not really sure why I'm posting on here, more I think to clear my head.

I have been with my DH most of my adult life and we have one young child. Before I start, I must say my DH is an amazing man and father and is one of the kindest, most lovely men you could meet.

My issue is that he is unhappy/low pretty much all of the time and whereas before this would affect me, I'm finding myself becoming quite cold about it all.

In the last 18 months we have moved to a new area and he started a new job. I hoped these changes would improve things but they haven't and he remains low. Being honest I am more of a 'appreciate how lucky you are/feel blessed by what life has given me' type of woman so struggle with my tendency to tell him to snap out of it.

I guess my issue is that he does nothing to address it, I have suggested seeing the doctor, counselling (he went twice) but he seems unmotivated to do anything to change things. I cannot live the rest of my.life like this and don't want my child thinking that living life unhappy is a acceptable. Anyone been through anything similar? I love my DH very much and just want him to be happ y.

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 01/12/2014 07:16

You can't change someone's fundamental personality. You can't make an unhappy, pessimistic person happy and optimistic so there is no point trying. If he isn't motivated to seek help, he will not seek help. If his gloomy behaviour is bringing you down and your willingness to compromise is wearing thin, then you tell him what you said above..... you're not prepared to live the rest of your life like this. See if that provides the motivation he's currently lacking.

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Quitelikely · 01/12/2014 07:18

Do you know why he is feeling low? Is this a chemical thing by where he can't really help it or is it a circumstantial thing?

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Firsttimemum84 · 01/12/2014 07:40

Not sure what the cause is as he never really addresses it. He has a stressful job but I have told him numerous times, that if it makes him truly miserable then he should quit and get another one. I work pt so we would be ok even if he had to take a pay cut.

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 01/12/2014 07:48

There is a type of person who will use general non-specific gloominess as a way to get others to fuss about saying 'you poor dear, what's wrong?' An attention-seeking thing rather than anything more serious. It's very self-indulgent and quite draining for others. Have you tried ignoring the behaviour? Not coming up with solutions etc?

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Quitelikely · 01/12/2014 08:55

Well I don't think it is fair or right that you have to live with doom and gloom.

You need to sit down and tell him how much it is affecting you and you would like to know the cause so he can address it. It's his responsibility to sort it out. If he values your relationship he will do it because whatever is bothering him is having a knock on effect on you.

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Firsttimemum84 · 01/12/2014 15:46

We are going to talk this evening but then we have spoken before and he cheers up for a bit, puts a happy face on but then slowly that slips and we are back at square one...I've tried being proactive and ignoring it but it stays the same.
Just feel like life shouldn't be like this, I want happiness and feel like we live very privileged lives. Healthy child, good jobs, own home, loving and supportive families. What more do you need? Think I am starting to give up.....