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sibling abuse

(4 Posts)
ChangedTodayy Sun 30-Nov-14 23:46:31

Hi, I've name changed. As a young child I was sexually abused by my brother, who was nearly three years older than me. It took me years to acknowledge this was significant in my life and it has led to lots of trust and relationship difficulties with men in my adult life (I'm now a,single parent).

I've had some counselling, but I have no relationship with my brother, thankfully we live quite a long way from each other. The counselling did little for me, other than flag that the lifelony impact on me of the abuse has been very typical of someone who experienced this.

I feel quite angry that my brother is seen as wonderful by my dm. I cringe at annual family gatherings. I feel I want my dm to know the truth of what he did, he would have been aged 6-8 at the time of the abuse. He also showed me a lot of pornography that would have been owned by my parents confused this damaged me. The counsellor was of the view that I shouldn't tell dm as she'd be really upset, it'd solve nothing and I should live in the present/for the future. I see her point. She suggested that if I said anything, it should be along the lines of 'some abusive things happened to me by brother when I was young, however please don't worry and I've moved on'. What do you think?

FelixTitling Sun 30-Nov-14 23:55:37

I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

My first thought is how young he was. Do you think he could have been being abused too? I think that this would be very abnormal behaviour for a child his age.

I don't know whether you should tell your dm. But I think you need more support. ASCA - Adults Surviving Child Abuse, may be a good place to start

WouldRatherHaveWine Mon 01-Dec-14 00:30:03

Why would a counsellor be advising you to do something based on their personal opinion? ! In my eyes that's unprofessional and potentially damaging. A good counsellor should help you to understand your thinking and emotions and to give you tools on how to cope with things. Also your post suggests that you haven't moved on yet

I agree with Felix, you need more support so you can figure out what is best for you and your mental wellbeing

springydaffs Mon 01-Dec-14 10:05:29

What kind of shit counsellor tells you what to do about something so important? Gross professional misconduct, I'd consider reporting.

What kind of counselling was it? If it was NHS 6-week shit then that's par for the course: get it all out to increase the trauma then abandon the client to grapple with the agony.

I'm so sorry you're facing this. Do get in touch with the linked orgs ^^ to get appropriate support around this. xx

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