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abusive parents attacked me.

(163 Posts)

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NC090 Sun 30-Nov-14 20:51:23

Namechanged for this.
I don't really have anyone else to talk to about this and I have called my DH to come home but didn't really tell him why over the phone. I need you all to calm me down a bit please.

So background
My father was abusive growing up and my mother not only used to ignore it but if she could see he was in a mood she used to tell him that I had been bad so he would take it out on me rather than her. My parents were and still are very respected and admired in the village were I grew up and were they still live.

DH is black and my father in particular was disgusted when he discover we were dating. When I was a teenager I met my DH and his family who have been great with me. We married and have two DCs who are beautiful. We live about 25 minutes car journey from my parents.

We have no contact with my parents and hadn't spoken to them since DC2 was born 4 years ago. When we have bumped into them we ignored them. The DCs don't know them they just know that we don't see then as they aren't very nice people.

So to today
I am 15weeks pregnant we have been trying for a few years so we are really excited. We told the DCs last weekend and then we told family and friends.

Today in the morning whilst me, DH and the DCs are in the local park we see my parents on a bench. They seemed like they had been their for a while as they had blankets and rucksacks with them. When they saw us they started to get up but we were already leaving as we told the DCs we had forgotten something and went back home to make cakes instead.

Then DHs aunt calls to tell us that my mother has been to theirs saying that they want to talk to us. They don't know we're we live so they went to aunts hoping she would tell them. She wouldn't and my mother left.

Then an hourish ago DH had gone to work. DCs were playing upstairs with me . I thought I heard the door opening so went downstairs and my parents were standing in the hallway. I turned to go back up the stairs and my mum begged me to just wait and hear them out.

She said that someone had told them that I was pregnant so they had come to talk to me. They had asked around and someone told them were we lived. I told them to go and I was going upstairs to call the police. My father said I had to talk to them. He told me that my grandmother was dead and they felt I should know. I asked when they said 3 months ago. They were trying to decide when to tell me and when they heard they had to tell me. I asked how they told me.

I told him to go now please. They said no.I turned to go upstairs and my dad lunged for me grabbed my top and pulled me back. I told him to get off. He told me to stop and listen so I said I would. He kept hold of me and made me walk back downstairs. He then went on started going on about the mistakes I had made and how I had wreaked his respectability in the village he was nearly whispering in a very low threatening voice.

I begged him to let go so he pinned me to the wall and ran his hands down my body and squeezed in between my thighs. And almost on instinct really I slapped him across the face. Then it's a bit of a blurr he punched me and my mum pulled him away and told him I would call the police. He said I wouldn't . Then I could hear DC1 screaming. My father pulled away and they both ran to the car.

I calmed DC1 down and she is now asleep in my arms and I am waiting for DH to come and I have locked and barricaded the door but I can't stop shaking and I haven't looked at myself yet to see if it's a mess or not and I can't believe I hit him because he will use it against me.

I need you all to calm me down and help me think rationally what the hell should I do to protect my babies.

AnotherStitchInTime Sun 30-Nov-14 20:55:36

You call the Police.

He assaulted you.

Call 101 when DH gets there.

sad

TheTertiumSquid Sun 30-Nov-14 20:56:27

Please call the police, they will help you.

UserNameUnderConstruc Sun 30-Nov-14 20:58:18

Please call the police and report him. He assaulted you. They will help you.

HumblePieMonster Sun 30-Nov-14 20:59:49

call the police

Corabell Sun 30-Nov-14 21:01:15

Police, now. Call them.

Is there any chance your DH would take matters into his own hand.

IAmNotAMindReader Sun 30-Nov-14 21:02:23

Call the police right now, that is the only way you can protect your babies. They know where you live now and your father seems determined to exact some revenge on you.

The way you live your life, the partner you have chosen and your subsequent children are a threat to his perceived image. You are all in danger form him.

Do you think he would have stopped had your mother not come to her senses to some degree and pulled him away? From what you have posted here I think that's doubtful.

chicaguapa Sun 30-Nov-14 21:02:53

Bloody hell! Please call the police. Preferably while you're still in a state so they'll see how affected you are by your parents' visit.

Well done to you for standing up to him btw. Hope your DH is home soon.

BaffledSomeMore Sun 30-Nov-14 21:02:55

They entered your house, refused to leave and then he assaulted you.
The fact he is 'family' is confusing you. You'd ring the police if a stranger had done this.

elfycat Sun 30-Nov-14 21:02:57

Call the police. He was abusive before and now he's proved he will be to his adult, pregnant daughter. If nothing happens he will know that you are still available to be abused.

I don't want to push buttons and be melodramatic - but also your child needs to see this dealt with in an appropriate way. They saw their mother assaulted. The bad guy has to see a policeman so it will make a bit of sense to her.

Please call now. He knows where you live and you need to be safe.

olafisking Sun 30-Nov-14 21:03:14

Please call the police. You slapped him in self defence. You won't get in trouble. Don't let him think he's got away with it.

AlistairSim Sun 30-Nov-14 21:03:25

Please, please call the police, OP.

You have done nothing wrong and they will help you.

atoughyear Sun 30-Nov-14 21:05:03

Please report this to the Police. From your description it sounds as if your father sexually assaulted you which caused you to slap him shock

mineofuselessinformation Sun 30-Nov-14 21:05:25

Please, call the police. Make sure he can never do that to you again.

PetiteRaleuse Sun 30-Nov-14 21:05:26

They walked into your house without permission. Then assaulted you. Police. For both reasons.

SelfLoathing Sun 30-Nov-14 21:05:32

I can't believe I hit him because he will use it against me.

If your father is touching you between your thighs and it is unwanted touching, that is assault. The way you describe hitting him sounds to me like self-defence. You were defending yourself to get him off you.

If he is trying to "use it against you", then he'll have a bit of a problem when you explain why you did it.

What a terrible situation. You are entitled to call the police if you want to.

Hope your DH gets home soon.

sunflower49 Sun 30-Nov-14 21:06:04

Sorry, tears are pricking my eyes reading this. Please, please call the police. You and your family need to be kept safe.

lem73 Sun 30-Nov-14 21:06:54

Are you alright? Please call the police. You must have been so scared.
When you have a chance please let us know you're ok.

BelleateSebastian Sun 30-Nov-14 21:07:44

they broke into your house and your father has physically and sexually assaulted you .... call the police now.

you poor bugger - what a nasty pair of fuckers they are

sliceofsoup Sun 30-Nov-14 21:08:25

Your dad assaulted you before you slapped him. So IMO the police really wont care about that. They were in your house uninvited, didn't leave when you asked them to, verbally abused you in a threatening manner and then physically assaulted you, which also sounds like sexual assault to me.

Please call the police and see a solicitor asap to get a non molestation (restraining) order on these people.

GetTheRedOut Sun 30-Nov-14 21:08:29

This is really shocking! He has assaulted you, you need to call the police. You be so upset flowers

AttilaTheMeerkat Sun 30-Nov-14 21:09:28

This is a police matter and this must be reported to the authorities as a matter of urgency. You were assaulted by your father and your mother has also failed you completely by colluding in his abuse of you.

Firedemon Sun 30-Nov-14 21:10:50

You poor, poor thing.
Call the police. You need to show your parents what they have done is seriously wrong. I hope you're ok. What an awful thing to go through.

Wineorcider Sun 30-Nov-14 21:11:58

what everybody else has said.

My heart goes out to you, op. Big hugs xxxx

Hissy Sun 30-Nov-14 21:12:20

darling, are you ok?

I had similar last year, but I did call the police, who made them leave. eventually hmm

you do need to call the police, this situation is way too serious to be left as it is.

he threatened and intimidated you, and assaulted you in your own home.

is dh home yet? (((hug)))

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