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DH walked out. what do I do now?

(37 Posts)
Whatnext15 Sun 30-Nov-14 20:35:23

Things have been difficult for a while. DH struggled with the demands of the children (one DS of them them is severely autistic with learning difficulties.

I struggled with the kids, keeping down a job, household, close to break down - no help from anybody (no family around, soon respite etc ). So all in all pretty tough.

Anyhow, this morning, after another petty argument, he just walked out at 8. He has not come back. He left his phone at home. H does not have any friends, he has now family nearby.

The kids are going crazy because daddy is not here. have no idea where he went, when ( or indeed if) he will be back.

What the heck to I do now? Getting concerned sad

Vivacia Sun 30-Nov-14 20:39:38

Have you been able to try anything in terms of getting in touch?

Does he have any history of mental health problems?

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 30-Nov-14 20:42:59

I'd suggest you look after yourself and the DCs as priority. Does your DH have any mental health problems? Has he threatened self harm?

Whatnext15 Sun 30-Nov-14 20:43:09

He left the phone at home. No friends. No family. Cannot reach him.

MH is fine.

Whatnext15 Sun 30-Nov-14 20:49:13

He walked out. Car is at home.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 30-Nov-14 20:49:19

Then you have to ignore his actions and carry on best you can. The police won't be interested & he's not a threat to himself that you know of. Has this happened before?

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 30-Nov-14 20:50:08

Did he walk out at 8am or 8pm?

Whatnext15 Sun 30-Nov-14 20:51:53

Morning. Think it was closer to 9 am. Not really sure.

Whatnext15 Sun 30-Nov-14 20:52:48

He has done similar things 2-3x before but was never away that long.

InfinitySeven Sun 30-Nov-14 20:54:24

Leave him. He must have felt close to the edge to do this, and he probably needs space and time to sort his head out.

If he's not back by the morning, you could call the police and report him missing. There isn't much else you can do with no means of contacting him though. Did he take money?

Whatnext15 Sun 30-Nov-14 20:54:59

I don't think he would harm himself. He had MH issues in the past but is fine now (or so I think).

Vivacia Sun 30-Nov-14 20:56:20

He must have felt close to the edge to do this, and he probably needs space and time to sort his head out.

I agree with this. There's little else you can do but wait.

After the previous times, did you both talk about the triggers and how he needs an alternative way of dealing in the future? A way that's more fair to you and the children?

Whatnext15 Sun 30-Nov-14 20:56:42

We don't have cash around, usually pay by card. Not sure he took them (his staff is all over the place).
passport (a close relative of his lives abroad) is at home.

Whatnext15 Sun 30-Nov-14 20:59:32

It really doesn't bother him that he made me that anxious. he does not get what is wrong about it. He sees things very different.

RandomMess Sun 30-Nov-14 21:01:36

Easy for us to say, but stay calm, assume he will come back at some point. Report to the police when he's been missing 24 hours.

We can help by holding your hand until you can sleep if that is any good?

Vivacia Sun 30-Nov-14 21:03:23

He sees things very different.

Yes, and wrongly.

Whatnext15 Sun 30-Nov-14 21:03:28

Just wish the DC would sleep first. Ds (autism) is still in tears.

ArsenicSoup Sun 30-Nov-14 21:04:18

If he's not back by the morning, you could call the police and report him missing.


Does he have debit cards, wallet, ID with him?


Has he ever been away overnight before?

ArsenicSoup Sun 30-Nov-14 21:05:38

X post. Your poor DS. flowers

Vivacia Sun 30-Nov-14 21:05:39

So this is more likely attention-seeking and punishment than a cry for help?

NeedABumChangeNotANameChange Sun 30-Nov-14 21:06:00

He has no friends or family? Do you OP? Do either of you ever get a break from things?

Whatnext15 Sun 30-Nov-14 21:06:14

Never been away overnight. Will check re debit cards once DC are asleep

Whatnext15 Sun 30-Nov-14 21:07:50

I heard the door. Guess he is back.

thanks for handholding. I won't talk to him now.

Whatnext15 Sun 30-Nov-14 21:08:38

Maybe I should have packed him a bag sad.

Self entitled arse.

everythingisok Sun 30-Nov-14 21:08:56

Asking the same as Arsenic really - does he have his wallet + credit cards with him?
Because being out from around 9am with no family living nearby makes me wonder where he would have gone?

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