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Starting again

(5 Posts)
Northerngirlmadegood Sun 30-Nov-14 19:25:59

Dear lovely, smart women,

My relationship of 27 years with my husband ended four year ago when he left with someone else. It took me until now to actually date and I have been out on two (dinner) dates with two different guys.

Today I went for s second date with one of these guys, it was a lovely walk in the early morning in a beautiful setting. I don't fancy him but he was lovely and attentive, but at a certain point on the walk he zoomed in (briefly) for a big kiss. I was really shy / nervous about it and as soon as it wouldn't be weird, strode on boldly :-/ pretending it hadn't happened.

Afterwards we went back to his really nice house where he gave me nice coffee, warm bread and smoked salmon and at a certain point came in for a second cuddle on the sofa. I really panicked, and had to tell him that I found it difficult and was shy, and I left as soon as t was decently possible.
He was sweet and concerned about it and I found myself getting tearful (I don't think I showed it). And immediately after lunch I ran. He felt bad about it and felt it was his fault. I don't think he's the one for me but am shocked by my fearful, easily tearful reaction to a man coming into my space and it shocked me to see that I was so fearful to let another man into my 'space', presumably after being hurt.I don't yet know exactly how I felt but think this must be it.

I think I'm afraid to get involved with a man but would love to love and be loved. I spoke to a couple of kind friends about it, who want to see me happy and they kind of said just go for it. This doesn't feel like (all of the) the solution and I really want to know what you think… Help please!

AnyFucker Sun 30-Nov-14 19:29:35

I don't agree with your friends. I don't think you should "go for it" with someone you don't fancy, how demeaning to both of you

I recommend you carry on dating, keep things light and only take it further if you are properly sexually attracted to someone. Then it will feel more natural and come easier to you.

wowfudge Sun 30-Nov-14 19:37:40

If you had fancied this man, I doubt you would have felt as you did. Please don't lead him on and use him.

Reallyme71 Sun 30-Nov-14 19:48:34

I agree with AF, if it makes you uncomfortable OP then it isn't the right situation for you to be in at the moment (or he isn't the right person for you to be with...)

I'm afraid I have nothing really constructive to add as I realise I am not at the stage of dating again and have had just one date which ended quite quickly when he tried to get close to me.

I am hoping that when I meet someone at the right time and really like them, it will all just fall into place. I wish the very same for you...

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 30-Nov-14 19:52:09

Agreeing with AF, don't feel you have to do something you're uncomfortable with but do be clear with people what you want rather than ending up down more romantic blind alleys. If you don't fancy them but enjoy their company, let them know. Good luck

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