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DS asking for ex h

(9 Posts)
woowoo22 Sun 30-Nov-14 18:05:37

EA ex-h left last week. Has not been in touch at all.
Was coping quite well I thought, until DS (21 months) started asking for him loads tonight sad .

I say "Daddy's away" and distract and usually he makes a moan/whine sound but doesnt ask again.

Tonight it has been dada dada dada non-stop and I feel wretched and angry at ex-h.

There's a 90% chance I will never hear from ex-h again.

Any advice gratefully received.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 30-Nov-14 18:15:21

Sorry you've been left literally holding the baby. You're doing the right thing by distracting your DC. Do you have practical and emotional support?

woowoo22 Sun 30-Nov-14 18:20:24

I do, my parents, family and a couple of friends have been great. But I don't want to cry down the phone at them AGAIN tonight.

And I think some people feel like - phew, he's out the picture, but when DS asks for him it breaks my heart (ex-h was SAHP until he left so huge change for DS).

woowoo22 Sun 30-Nov-14 18:22:28

Feel so guilty for doing this to DS. He is amazing and I know he will grow up in a calmer, non-abusive house now but fuck its so hard!

heyday Sun 30-Nov-14 18:28:25

I guess let the dust settle a bit and then think what is the best course of action. Your DS must be feeling a bit lost at the moment especially as his dad was a SAHP. Not sure why you feel so sure that you won't hear from him again? Surely he will want to see his DS again?
Hopefully in time you will be able to establish some contact with DS and his father as having contact with both parents is generally best for the child ( depending on circumstances of course).

woowoo22 Sun 30-Nov-14 18:33:01

Because he told me when he left he would never speak to me or DS again. I have always said to him I would never hinder any relationship with DS (been on the rocks for a while). He is 100% NC with his ex-wife and has been for many years therefore I don't doubt it.

woowoo22 Sun 30-Nov-14 18:35:45

Thats why I feel guilty - obviously contact withe both parents is best for DC, but when one is an abusive self-obsessed controlling twat it is somewhat hard to make that person see reason. He doesn't want to see/speak to DS again as apparently it would be too hurtful to him if I met someone in the future (nonsense, its the only thing left in his arsenal to mess with my head).

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 30-Nov-14 20:00:12

The guilt is 100% with your ex, not you. Whatever happens and however low you get please remember the essential truth of being a lone parent.....

We are the parents that stayed

woowoo22 Sun 30-Nov-14 20:38:14

Thank you Cogito thanks I will remember that.

I had a good cry, got everything ready for the week and texted my Mum. Feel a bit better.

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