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Friend's DH told me he loves me

(73 Posts)
countfuckula Sun 30-Nov-14 17:36:29

And that about sums it up. They are a nice couple whom we met through our DC school. Their DD and our DD are best mates and see a lot of each other out of school at dancing class and brownies. Subsequently us parents see each other a lot too and we socialise a bit. The four of us get along really well, my DH thinks friends DH is a laugh & they get on. A few weeks ago friends DH was being a bit touchy feely with me. I told DH and he said 'he just likes you- don't read anything into it' so I didn't. Until last night, I was out with my other friends, school dad was out with his other friends (no DW). We were talking and he said that he can't stop thinking about me, he thinks I'm very sexy and he is falling in love with me. You could have knocked me over with a feather but I said I was flattered but nothing is going to happen.
All day today I've been thinking, should I tell DH? Should I leave it? Should I have a quiet word with him when I next see him and tell him I am annoyed he has threatened my nice little DD friends social life? The more I think of it, i have done nothing to make him think I may have had feelings for him so I'm getting pissed off about the whole thing. His DW is lovely, we get on really well.

Bowlersarm Sun 30-Nov-14 17:39:13

Stupid man. I would say nothing, but tell him to back off and what the fucking hell is he doing. If he persists tell your DH.

prettywhiteguitar Sun 30-Nov-14 17:39:26

Oh crap, that's really annoying. I would tell him that you're pretty pissed off that he's put you in this position and since you're good friends with his wife that would normally be the kind of things women share. I would definitely tell your dh. Let him make if it what you will

Bowlersarm Sun 30-Nov-14 17:42:22

Don't tell him you're flattered! Tell him you're pissed off he's putting you on this position. And that you will tell your DH if he acts inappropriately again.

BOFster Sun 30-Nov-14 17:44:16

I'd want to tell my DH, yes. I wouldn't like being made to feel complicit in something secretive.

Phalenopsis Sun 30-Nov-14 17:44:59

I'd tell your husband. I wouldn't keep it a secret because if he finds out, his mind could start whirring wondering why you didn't tell him.

I'd definitely want to know if the boot was on the other foot.

Hissy Sun 30-Nov-14 17:45:33

absolutely tell your H! this is super important.

and no, being propositioned for fecking adultery is not flattering.

don't hide this. if this comes out and your H realises you held something back, he's going to want to know why.

prettywhiteguitar Sun 30-Nov-14 17:45:38

I'd tell my dp as I'd expect him to tell me in the same situation.

Mainly cause nothing much exciting stuff happens to us and this would be a cracker grin

purpleroses Sun 30-Nov-14 17:47:19

I would tell your DH. Doing so puts you completely in the clear and will make it easier to explain to DH of you feel you need to put a bit of distance between you and the other couple in future

ScrambledSmegs Sun 30-Nov-14 17:49:24

I'd tell my DP. I can't imagine why I would keep it a secret, he'd tell me if it were the other way round.

Cabrinha Sun 30-Nov-14 17:49:29

What an arsehole.
Flattering would be if he showed you some fucking respect - let alone his own wife!

Tell your husband. Distance yourself from him. That marriage is going to implode at some point without you anyway, because he is a scummy piece of shit. So that social set up will change eventually anyway.

The only thing more I'd say to him is "I said I was flattered because I was caught off guard keeping the peace. What I meant was, I am disgusted. You need to stay the fuck away from me, arsehole".

apotatoprintinapeartree Sun 30-Nov-14 17:50:53

I would have told dh straight away and assure him I'd done nothing to encourage him.

MarshaBrady Sun 30-Nov-14 17:50:54

How annoying. His poor wife.

Wonder what he'll do next, now you've declined, continue with his marriage as usual or not.

sharon56bus Sun 30-Nov-14 17:53:52

Does he have more money .............................

grumpyoldgitagain Sun 30-Nov-14 17:55:03

How about before telling your DH you have a word with him and tell him what you thought of his little declaration of love and ask how would your DH or his DW feel if they found out that he is thinking this

Keep your phone on voice record discretely and then tell your DH after you have him recorded so he can't deny it

Canyouforgiveher Sun 30-Nov-14 17:56:34

tell your husband. the other guy would love if you didn't. Then next time you meet you have a secret with him. Don't let that happen. If he sidles up to you at a school event and says "I hope you weren't bothered by what I told you the other night" then you can say "No but dh thought you were a bit of an ass when I told him" and that will stop him dead in his tracks.

*I'd tell my dp as I'd expect him to tell me in the same situation.

Mainly cause nothing much exciting stuff happens to us and this would be a cracker grin*

This made me laugh - we'd be the same.

Bowlersarm Sun 30-Nov-14 17:58:18

Clearly I'm in the minority. Doesnt this happen to everyone grin? haven't changed my mind. Don't be flattered and don't accept compliments, it's a pain in the arse having this sort of thing happen. I still wouldn't tell DH though, unless of course you don't mind cutting ties with the couple.

Fontella Sun 30-Nov-14 17:59:33

When I was with my ex, I had this exact situation with a work colleague of his with whom we socialised. I really liked his wife too and we all got on great. Then same thing, I ran into him one evening socially without our respective partners and he tgot all lovey dovey and telling me how he couldn't stop thinking about me blah blah.

I put it down to him being a bit pissed and forgot about it but then the bugger even turned up at the house one day when he knew my ex was out .. and stood there on the doorstep all smiles and expectant as if I was going to let him in. Needless to say I didn't and made it clear I wasn't remotely interested in him in that way and sent him packing.

I told my ex when he got in from work. I don't recall whether he had a word with the bloke or not but it stopped. However, we never socialised together much after that, although I did stay friendly with his wife and would see her from time to time - just her and me. I never told her that her H had come on to me though, perhaps I should have done, I don't know .. but as nothing happened I thought it was best left.

They ended up moving away somewhere and we lost touch not long after.

AnyFucker Sun 30-Nov-14 17:59:53

Tell your husband or else you will be complicit in a "secret" between you and this guy

Then cool the friendship. What a snake he sounds. He doesn't "love" you, he wants a shag on the side and thinks you are up for it. His poor wife sad

BOFster Sun 30-Nov-14 18:00:50

I wouldn't really want to keep the friendship up in these circumstances, tbh, and I certainly wouldn't be keeping his secrets for him.

JohnFarleysRuskin Sun 30-Nov-14 18:02:38

Why wouldn't you tell your dh?

heartisaspade Sun 30-Nov-14 18:05:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Twinklestein Sun 30-Nov-14 18:11:54

This happened to me. I told my husband (of course you should tell him!), we cooled the friendship, I simply couldn't be arsed with the hassle.

I sometimes see the wife around, and she always looks slightly hurt. I infer she thinks we 'dumped' her, but really it's her husband's fault. I wonder how many other couples have dumped them for the same reason...

Nomama Sun 30-Nov-14 18:31:00

Tell your husband. I know that sounds scary but think...

Who do you share your life, your home, your bed, your heart with?

Why would you risk upsetting him by actively protecting someone else from the consequences of their own actions?

Why would you risk upsetting him by keeping such a secret, one that will only make you look complicit should it ever come out?

Why would you not tell your husband so that he can help you stop the other bloke being an irritant?

I'd probably tell his wife too.

I'd have absolutely no intention of ever helping such an idiot escape the consequences of his own actions. I would rather his wife knew and could act from in informed position rather than be responsible for keeping her in the dark. I grew this opinion after telling a good friend what a total twat her OP was (2 outside kids) and having her explain how much it hurt but gave her a chance to regain control of her life.

Twinklestein Sun 30-Nov-14 18:43:06

I thought about telling the wife in my case. If she had been an old friend I would have felt obliged to tell her, but it sounds if the OP is in a similar position to me - newish friends through the children - in which case the wife doesn't know her well.

In my case I figured that the husband was hardly likely to admit it, and would just tell his wife that I came onto him. She didn't know me well enough to know that I wouldn't, so it would cause a storm with no positive end.

Don't mean to talk about myself on your thread OP, I hope it's of some help.

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