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The way DP's mother spoke to her daughter - is this normal/acceptable?

(7 Posts)
Lolipoplady Sun 30-Nov-14 17:05:33

Hi everyone, this is the first time I've posted but I've been reading the board here for a while... I'm hoping you will be able to help me out with a question I have smile

Last weekend I was with DP at his mum's house. His sister was also there. It was quite late on Saturday and their mum was drunk (I believe that she is an alcoholic, but that is another story...), we were chatting a bit together and then DP's mum said something that DP's sister disagreed with. I can't even remember what is was, as we were chatting quite superficially about nothing very much.

DP's sister is not very well emotionally at the moment and is actually off work with anxiety/depression. She has been having suicidal thoughts which has worried my DP and me greatly, although thankfully she is getting professional help for this.

Anyway... in response to DP's sister disagreeing with her, DP's mum came back with: "yes, but you're mental". We ignored it and carried on chatting, so she said it again - "yes, but you're mental". This horrified me! shock I mentioned it to DP later and he said that she was only saying it in a jokey way and she has said much nastier things about his sister's mental health when she has been angry. He didn't seem that concerned by it.

Is it just me overreacting, or was this NOT a normal, acceptable thing to say to someone who has been suffering from suicidal thoughts?! Full disclosure: I do not get along with DP's mother - to put it succinctly, she is imo a bitter, cold, selfish cow. Perhaps this is colouring my response?

Thanks for reading this, I didn't expect it to become such an essay.

LadyLuck10 Sun 30-Nov-14 17:10:46

Definitely not acceptable. Otoh many many people still use that word very casually these days. There are numerous threads on here where posters use it and it's not even brought up. If the mother is an alcoholic herself I wouldn't expect much understanding from her if she can't help herself in the first place. Unfortunately this is not something you should get involved in either.

makeitabetterplace Sun 30-Nov-14 17:11:08

It's all in the context I suppose. Some families do banter like this. My husbands family, I think, are quite rude to each other but they seem fine with it. 'Mental' is unfortunate but some people use it without meaning to be cruel. How did she react?

FabULouse Sun 30-Nov-14 17:11:53

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

brokenhearted55a Sun 30-Nov-14 17:12:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lolipoplady Sun 30-Nov-14 18:31:41

Thanks for your responses - glad that I'm not way off in thinking that it's a bit shock.

I know that families are different and what's normal in one family is not normal in another... My exH for example was freaked out by the way that my family members sometimes shout at each other. So I wondered if this was just me not 'getting' my DP's family.

Makeitabetterplace - DP, DP's sister and I reacted by pretending it didn't happen. DP's mother then turned her attention onto me, telling me that I'm weird because my accent doesn't match the geographical region I was brought up in hmm

FabULouse Sun 30-Nov-14 18:51:40

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