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help! ex taking me to court as apparantly i am unreasonable re contact. very stressed

(12 Posts)
yummytummy Sat 29-Nov-14 20:25:22

so, been separated a year. were together nearly 19 married for 13 but towards the end he became physically and mentally abusive. was dangerous for me and kids. anyway very soon after that he moved in with a new partner got her pregnant straight away baby is due next month.

we have two dc's 7 and 3 and he has seen them regularly several times a week either here or at his mums. I have stuck to this as I feel he needs to be semi supervised due to the dv and I wasn't happy with him having kids at his flat and exposing them to another new person at this stage.

this had all been progressing and divorce proceeding on grounds of adultery. but I have just received a court date as apparently I am unreasonable and change mind at last minute. this is rubbish as I have never said no when he has wanted to see the kids and even changed plans to accommodate him. in fact he is the one who goes away for weekends with the new woman and doesn't turn up or changes it at the last minute.

rather than deal with the divorce he is obsessed with kids meeting this woman and they are so distressed already I think its too soon and a gradual introduction can be done in time.

anyway I am so nervous and stressed about going to court so scared that he will get his way as he always does. have no one to go with me either and the whole situation is getting to me so much

really struggling to eat and sleep and I just cant believe he can throw away a nearly 20 year relationship and two kids away justlike that as if we were nothing. given the timings I think he was probably involved with this woman before but who knows

I am just so sick of worrying and stressing and really really hate being single and alone all the time with no one to come home to no comfort off anyone and after all he put us through he sails off to play happy families without a care in the world

I just feel lik nothing and no one and he was so awful to me I have no confidence in myself and justbfeel like my life is over

I have no idea how to getout of this mindset and deal with things I feel like am having annervous breakdown

have been to gp and have pills but I still feel so desperate and hopless

please anyone with any experience in any of these things or even any kindness please please help

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 29-Nov-14 20:29:22

Do you have a solicitor?

Letthemtalk Sat 29-Nov-14 20:30:36

You have to separate your feelings about him from what's best for your children. My dB is going through something similar, with his ex demanding that he doesn't introduce their ds to dB's new partner. They have been split for 2 years though. I think she needs to trust dB to do what's right for their ds.

How long has your ex been with his new partner? If it's a long term thing then I think you should let him meet her.

Fairylea Sat 29-Nov-14 20:31:36

Was the domestic violence reported and documented?

Get to a solicitor straight away and contact womens aid for advice. To be honest he is lucky to have any contact at all if you reported the violence.

yummytummy Sat 29-Nov-14 20:39:13

I have a solicitor. lots of documented evidence of dv, police, gp, hospital etc. my solicitor said he was lucky to have this much contact but that a cafcass officer would be involved and they look at everything and decide

Letthemtalk Sat 29-Nov-14 20:43:25

My apologies, I didn't pick up on the dv issues, obviously didn't rtft, sorry

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 29-Nov-14 20:57:33

Then if you have a solicitor, this is where they earn their money. Talk to them, tell them how worried you are and see what they say. Let them fight this battle for you.

Fairylea Sat 29-Nov-14 21:03:17

What cogito said.

I would refuse any changes to contact for the moment, courts tend to follow the precedent for what has been going on to date. Anything you change now is likely to be upheld so I would refuse to budge and let your solicitor decide the best way forward.

yummytummy Sat 29-Nov-14 21:15:25

Ok that sounds more hopeful. Solicitor seems good hopefully he can fight for me. Its just so daunting and hard to separate emotions from it

26Point2Miles Sat 29-Nov-14 21:25:47

Fight what? What is it you are fighting against?

He can introduce ow at any point. It's his call.
He can have unsupervised as he's had it already

BlackeyedSusan Sat 29-Nov-14 21:41:16

make a record of all the times he misses contact that is arranged or all the times that you are flexible with contact, the amount of notice he gives you for requests, etc.etc.

Lweji Sun 30-Nov-14 00:33:20

Definitely keep a written record of all exchanges, even if that means always communicating by text or email.
No phone calls, if you still have them.

On the other hand, I'd forget about the other woman and let it happen. The children need to be reassured about her. It's their dad you should worry about and ultimately if you have your children's interest at heart regarding contact, then you should be ok. Even if that meant cutting contact.

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