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How long did it take you to get over a serious infatuation?

(202 Posts)
muntermonster Sat 29-Nov-14 17:34:22

Have avoided becoming involved with someone totally unsuitable (friend and colleague) by refusing to see him, asking him not to contact me, unfriending him on FB, etc. Nothing ever happened between us except realising we really like each other. It's been nearly 3 weeks since going no contact and I still think of him every waking moment. How long does it take for this daft sort of infatuation to subside? Writing this I realise it hasn't been that long, but seems like months rather than weeks. Feel like a dumb teen.

HumblePieMonster Sat 29-Nov-14 17:39:18

Took me one year, four months, and a flirtatious Irishman. If you can happen on the latter sooner than I did, you might get over Mr Unsuitable very quickly indeed.

SelfLoathing Sat 29-Nov-14 17:40:50

In my case, 4 years in total. Months since last contact and I still think about him all the time. He is the backdrop to my life. I think of him when I wake up and when I go to bed and most of the time in between except when I have to 100% concentrate on something else.

I know I won't get over it properly until I meet someone else.

Google "limerence" for more on the hell of living like this.

If you've avoided becoming involved with him then you have massive will power, so I'm sure you will be fine.

CleanLinesSharpEdges Sat 29-Nov-14 17:42:14

I was just about to say Google limerance but the pp beat me to it.

18 months for me.

sillymillyb Sat 29-Nov-14 17:43:06

I'm 3 years down the road and it's a million times better and less painful than it was. I used to be consumed by him, that lasted about a year. I think if I met someone else it would help, but I'm scared of getting hurt again so still single smile

Wrapdress Sat 29-Nov-14 17:48:38

For me:
3-6 months if there was no sex.
A year or more if there was sex.

muntermonster Sat 29-Nov-14 17:50:31

Oh no ... thanks for the comments, looks like I was unrealistic hoping I'd forget him in a couple of weeks! Maybe I'll meet someone else and I'll forget him ...

PrettyPictures92 Sat 29-Nov-14 17:54:39

Took me one year, four months, and a flirtatious Irishman. grin send that Irishman my way please ;)

I'm still trying to get over mine and it's been three years and two months exactly sad

Mags11 Sat 29-Nov-14 18:00:00

3 months in for me, after a few weeks of dating.
I sobbed uncontrollably on my boss, on the cat etc. I am totally level headed and have never felt so wretched in 40 years. As well as feeling like a total berk.

Still think a lot, but its much easier to switch it off now and I don't get the gut wrench. Still find it hard not to look twice at anyone with a beard (90% of male population at the mo).
Difficult situation for you if he's a friend, but you should be impressed by your own tenacity. 3 weeks is hardly anything - stick with it

MadeMan Sat 29-Nov-14 18:12:30

Why is he unsuitable OP? Is it just because he's a friend and colleague?

confusedandemployed Sat 29-Nov-14 18:21:01

I met him 10 years ago, saw him last 4 1/2 years ago. If I'm honest I still think about him but I have moved from n, met DP and had DD.
Doesn't stop me thinking about him but it helps that he was a monumental arsehole.

confusedandemployed Sat 29-Nov-14 18:21:27

Moved on. Grr

muntermonster Sat 29-Nov-14 18:22:49

MadeMan He's married (and he pursued me, not vice versa). Not seeing him in a friendly capacity now, have said only contact will be if necessary because of work. There are obviously about a zillion reasons to avoid a relationship with a married guy. Doesn't help switch off the mucky thoughts though. I think Humble's Irishman might have to do the rounds. He'd be doing a public service grin

muntermonster Sat 29-Nov-14 18:24:12

Doesn't stop me thinking about him but it helps that he was a monumental arsehole.

So frustrating that this doesn't always stop the feelings!

dontcallmehon22 Sat 29-Nov-14 18:29:54

It took me about 6 months after a 3 month relationship. The same thing happened again, but I wasn't as infatuated and I'm nearly better after three weeks.

Meerka Sat 29-Nov-14 18:30:25

about 18 months for me, though memories of him still drift back now and then and I shudder at what a woman-destroying jerk he is.

It really helped to work out what buttons he was pressing, what traits in particular made me blossom around him and long to be with him. Facing those lacks head-on gave me some measure of control and then going and putting time and thought into an absorbing hobby helped too.

Bellsnwhistles Sat 29-Nov-14 18:33:38

First five years were worst.

Tinks42 Sat 29-Nov-14 18:40:51

When younger, a long time... Now im older 5 minutes grin

brokenhearted55a Sat 29-Nov-14 18:51:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SelfLoathing Sat 29-Nov-14 18:59:20

it helps that he was a monumental arsehole.

confused
LOL. I love that phrase. Such a massive arsehole as to be MONUMENTAL.

Bellsnwhistles

Are you serious? How long did your limerence/infatuation last?
Did you get over it? Or didn't you? Any tips?

brokenhearted

As per monumental arsehole above, I think "being a total twat" is often present when there is limerance. I am in the same position and spent hours wondering "how can I feel such love/obsession/infatuation/adoration" etc for this man who I feel is deserving of worship - when actually I don't think I like him very much.

We should all form a Monumental Arsehole Demolition Club or something.

MadeMan Sat 29-Nov-14 19:01:13

"MadeMan He's married"

Ah okay, yes that would be unsuitable then.

MadeMan Sat 29-Nov-14 19:06:38

"We should all form a Monumental Arsehole Demolition Club or something."

How about Monumental Arsehole Demolition of Every Massive Arrogant Nob club?

brokenhearted55a Sat 29-Nov-14 19:13:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tinks42 Sat 29-Nov-14 19:16:24

How about stopping the slagging off? how about learning that women dont have to dance to a mans tune, how about learning that you arent the underclass, just a thought.

Tinks42 Sat 29-Nov-14 19:18:09

How about having a bit of knowledge, how about taking charge, how about acting like you care about yourselves?

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