Male in mentally destroying relationship

[CraigP73]

Morning all, here i am as a newbie.

To keep it brief. Im looking for advice and support to help me through the next few months.
Ive been with my wife for 12 years, we have a duaghter (age 4) together, she has 3 kids from her previous (16, 20, 24 years only the 16 year lives at home).
After much research ive finally hit the nail on the head. My wife is someone you call a "passive aggresive person" (google to see defenition).

I cant financially afford to leave as im paying the debt off for my business that i started 10 years ago, ive another 2 years to pay.

I also find guilt in wanting to leave with my precious daughter at her vunerable age with my wife being this person. To be honest im unsure when the time comes if my wife will leave me in full custody of her.

Why have i found myself in the situation? Why have i allowed it to happen? I dont know, i just always hoped for it to get better and normal.

I feel the need to be happy again and im sure for my Daughter that can only be a good thing, a content father.

Forward thanks everyone for any replies be them positive or not so.

[Thumbwitch]

What are you asking, craig? how to leave your marriage with your DD?

tell us more about your marriage - passive aggression isn't pleasant, of course, but does it amount to emotional abuse? is it directed only at you or also at the children?

[CraigP73]

Hi Thumbwitch.
Many thanks for your reply.
I suppose in a way yes.
I cant see anyway in keeping the relationship on track.
I think she's exhausted all my emotions and feelings.
God knows ive tried.

Its never directed at the Children. The only way they get involved is if i react by being honest but then that stems an arguement which the kids see,

OR when she decides to give me the silent treatment then all of a sudden she becomes more attentive to the kids, infact everyone but myself.

Advice, support or/and i suppose somewhere i can speak out to albeit a forum.

I do have support in my family (Sister Mum and Dad) and friends but its not always convinient for thm to hear my feelings plus i dont want them to bore it all of the time.

[Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire]

How long will the silent treatment go on for, in general? Hours? Days? What do you have to do for it to stop?

Does she put you down as well?

[Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire]

Sorry, it's still me Thumbwitch, I have just changed into my seasonal nickname for Christmas!

[CheeseEqualsHappiness]

I think you need to leave and yes I think it does constitute abuse. I have left a relationship like this.

Do you want to take your daughter?

[CraigP73]

Silent treatment can go on for days and it tends to come back to normality progressively with the odd scarcastic comment.

To stop it i have to say sorry, take the blame even though i know majority of the time ive done nothing wrong.

So ill ask her, is everything ok?
Her reaction, "you tell me" Why you asking" "Should there be something wrong with me".
She never gives me a straight answer, not until its passed and were talking again.
Example: Ill come home from work, phone rings work related and i take the call, i can be on the phone for 2 mins and she doesnt agree, but as said this point wouldnt be made for days via the cold shoulder treatment.

[Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire]

Yes, that certainly sounds as though it's in the emotional abuse category :(

Who looks after your DD most of the time now? Do you both work, or is your wife at home with her?

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Silent treatment and the old 'if you don't know what's wrong I'm not going to tell you' crap is pretty nasty stuff, not to mention completely unhelpful. If you felt confused and dispirited, that's probably the intended result. No one can read minds and when a bully decides you're in the wrong, it's usually because that's where they want you. If it's got bad enough to end the relationship over, I think you should tell her.