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Your sex life's history...

(29 Posts)
CostaRicanBananas Sat 29-Nov-14 13:31:01

DP and I had a falling out which is started with me voicing my concern over his previous 'soul mates' but which then progressed to the mattress in our bedroom and my sex life's history.

He had previously made reference to marks on the mattress which are actually ours - my mattress was in pristine condition when I moved to where we live and had seen pretty much no action, so to speak. From there, the conversation evolved to somebody I dated very briefly and DP was raging when I confirmed that I had slept with the person in question - we had been dating for a couple of months, it was hardly like I jumped in to bed with the guy. Anyway...DP is not himself at the moment and although he's still doing all the attentive things that he always does, I can see that the thought of me with somebody else is eating him up inside. He asked me this morning if I could put up with him being the way he is at the moment...mind you, this all happened last night!

How can I turn this around? I was thinking of giving him a boost and divulging the fact that my sex life in the past decade (or longer) was so appalling and that the last experience was such a let down, that it prompted me to 'go without' for over two years. All of which is true. Thoughts, please?

Thank you and a good weekend to you all :-) cake brew

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 29-Nov-14 13:43:52

Tell hin to grow up. If he wanted to believe you were a virgin before you met, he should have had the good sense not to ask a stupid question. This is entirely his problem. Don't let him make it yours

MistAndAWeepingRain Sat 29-Nov-14 13:48:04

He needs to grow up. You've had sexual partners before as has he presumably.

You do not need to justify this or apologise for it. It's none of his business. This is his issue. Refuse to engage.

CostaRicanBananas Sat 29-Nov-14 13:49:53

Hi Cogito he wasn't making me feel bad about it and he was just voicing that the thought of it is making him feel uncomfortable. It's jealously and I am just looking for something to say or do which will make him dismiss this as something that shouldn't be important.

muddylettuce Sat 29-Nov-14 13:50:23

The thought of me being with someone else is eating him up inside

You don't belong to him.

CostaRicanBananas Sat 29-Nov-14 13:57:09

The whole conversation started with ME asking about his past, not about his sexual liaisons but other stuff. He's not trying to make me feel guilty though, and I am most certainly not apologising but simply looking to give his male ego a little nudge.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sat 29-Nov-14 14:00:49

His discomfort is his problem. If you pretended you were a virgin when you met him, then he might have some right to feel disappointment. If not, he needs to get a bloody grip!

I have a feeling that this is going to be the thin end of the wedge.

CostaRicanBananas Sat 29-Nov-14 14:00:55

Ha! I've found something which may be useful and it shows that it's not uncommon to feel jealous about a partner's sexual past: www.thedatereport.com/dating/sex/1417-10-ways-to-deal-with-your-partner-s-sexual-past-because-you-have-to/

I think this is what I had in mind...and he IS by far the best I've ever had. ;-)

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 29-Nov-14 14:02:02

If it's something and nothing, let sleeping dogs lie.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sat 29-Nov-14 14:03:41

How about "I don't care who or how you fucked anyone before you met me. Everyone is entitled to a past and some privacy. I demand you offer me the same courtesy. Or fuck off with your pathetic issues and find yourself a virgin".

CostaRicanBananas Sat 29-Nov-14 14:06:28

No! He hasn't given me an ultimatum at all or made any emotional blackmail. He simply isn't quite his normal, super-loving self.

Fairylea Sat 29-Nov-14 14:06:38

Surely he's being a bit daft? Most people have a sexual past. When I met my husband I'd been married twice before and had more sexual partners than him. So what? Your dh needs to stop thinking about it and seeing you as his property - it's your body and it was before him. He's got nothing to get uptight about.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 29-Nov-14 14:11:48

By not being his normal loving self he's making you feel guilty. Ignore it

AnyFucker Sat 29-Nov-14 14:13:05

It's not your responsibility to maintain his male ego

If he is withdrawing affection because of your sexual history with other men he is a dickhead not worth keeping

AnyFucker Sat 29-Nov-14 14:14:10

My H has never shown the slightest interest in how many/what quality/what nature etc of my sexual past and vice versa

It's teenage stuff and doesn't belong in mature relationships

Mom2K Sat 29-Nov-14 14:16:25

There isn't really anything to say here. It may be normal to feel a little jealous of past partners, especially if he himself is insecure, but he needs to stop sulking and get over it. The past is the past, and has no relevance to your current relationship with him.

LegoAdventCalendar Sat 29-Nov-14 14:19:38

Why is it your job to 'turn this around' and nudge his male ego?

WTAF? Are you two teenagers? Because that's when it's common to feel jealous of someone's past sexual partners. Most grown ups don't give a shit.

And all this can you put up with me like this melodramatic BS.

Christ on a bike! Just ignore. Sounds silly and immature, tbh.

RoastitBubblyJocks Sat 29-Nov-14 16:10:30

What age are you OP?

CostaRicanBananas Sat 29-Nov-14 16:28:35

I am 40 and DP is 46, we are not children. He's emailed me as I am at work and he sounds back to his normal self. As per before, he wasn't blackmailing me or trying to make me feel guilty...

holeinmyheart Sat 29-Nov-14 16:56:42

In my youth I read 'Tess of the D'urbavills ' it put me of ever telling anyone about my sexual past. After all it is the past.
If you want to keep a secret, you tell no one, even if they ask.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 29-Nov-14 16:58:52

I never liked that Angel Clare either. Self righteous twat he turned out to be....

overslept Sat 29-Nov-14 17:02:34

Due to a very strange set of circumstances I've slept in the bed that belongs to my current DP's with my ex (bed was at his mothers house, me and ex were family friends and visited, stayed in that bed which was in spare room, current DP took it to his house when he moved out from his mums again, I moved in with current DP as friends after I split from ex, me and current DP got together - sorry if that is hard to fallow). I hate the fact I slept with my ex in OUR bed. I really don't like it. I don't really care what DP has done in it. Anyway I sort of mentioned it to him, we have a new bed here now ready to be put up. Can you just mend it with a new one then forget about it?

NeedABumChangeNotANameChange Sun 30-Nov-14 00:59:28

Sorry but I totally understand where your dP is coming from. The thought of the guy I'm with being with other girls makes me very uncomfortable. Of course he has a history but that is completely different from knowing a girl he has been with and being able to actually picture them at it. It might make me odd for a day.
And tbf you did bring up the subject.

holeinmyheart Sun 30-Nov-14 09:51:04

Well Angel Clare put me right off Thomas Hardy. Almost all the men in his novels behave like B**** . I always felt like slapping his women characters for being so wet and stupid. Bathsheba? Really.
Jealousy is a bad evil emotion. In plus forty years I have never been questioned by my DH about my previous sexual partners.
They are ' toast' anyway, because I am with, who I am with, now. Trust is the antidote to Jealousy.

dratsea Sun 30-Nov-14 10:17:28

holeinmyheart compare and contrast mysogyny attitudes of Hardy and Lawrence to women.

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